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NOT with him stating his position, but with continuing to contact her, knowing hers. When someone really cares about us, we can usually tell. He knows. So it's selfish to keep trying to pull her back into the sort of relationship he already knows she doesn't want. It's also downright egocentric to argue that his POV is the only valid one. Poly is his choice, mono is hers, and both choices are valid. She just doesn't happen to share his, and he isn't respecting her choice. IMHO, that kicks it up a notch from being selfish to downright manipulative. There are plenty of women out there he can choose from. When she comments about him wanting to keep her in a box, she doesn't sound far off. A nice guy would wish her well and let her be, while she licks her wounds and gets over him, and eventually finds a guy who wants what she wants. A not-so-nice guy would keep testing the waters to if he could persuade her into his POV, which, in his view, is the only valid one. Ick! sexy girls Monclova- people who have this discussion confabulate the extremely personal decision of whether or not to someone with the very public, very cerebral, highly academic argument for or against (usually against) marriage in general. And sure the arguments hold water, but I can't help but think that most of the time, maybe even all the time, people live in the public/cerebral/academic space so they don't have to have the uncomfortable conversation about commitment with their term partner or SO. Because check it out none of the arguments hold water. 1. Historical/political grounds don't really matter, because marriage has been everything from an institution of property to an arrangement of convenience to an arrangement made by family to a quick spontaneous trip to vegas to a life commitment made out of. Basiy, if you widen the history window large enough, you'll find a time in which marriage was much anything. So just because marriage was, at some point, something you wouldn't have done, doesn't really make it something you shouldn't do today, generally, if you have the right person. 2. Marriage doesn't make you stay, though. Marriage is simply a stated intention to stay. Divorce happens for a reason and that's because shit happens, things change. Does the presence of divorce diminish marriage? Not really. Lots of people don't get divorced and lots of divorces are for the best. 3. Well. Uh, duh. Of COURSE your partner's happiness and your happiness is important to you. You can be happily married, miserably single, and any point in between. There's no correlation between the two. So your arguments, while nice, really don't make sense as a justification to not get married. It really comes down to the personal, doesn't it? You don't want to that person for whatever reason. And that's okay. Just don't it something it's not a principled position. Personally, I like marriage. I like being able to introduce someone as my wife and have the person I'm talking to understand what that means: stated intended live partner, lover, mother to our, beneficiary, blah blah blah. Without that nice concise label of "spouse" I'd have to explain what she is to me to everyone I meet. And the term pair bonding arrangement is just too darn common not to have an institution for. african american women
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