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have agreed with have had some decent suggestions cleaning person, date nights, ect But in my opinion, facing the real issues is being avoided. This isn't about only paying attention to you when he wants sex or housework..those are symptoms. If you only try to address those the underlying disease resurface. This is about you feeling unappreciated. I'm betting he's kind of feeling the same way, you aren't really giving him credit for what he DOES do and visa versa. In how you approached perhaps seperating you blame him for not telling you he's unhappy but no where do you mention telling him how unhappy you are. You say he won't voice his concerns and yet "appears" unhappy. All that should be addressed before you continue with marriage plans and you should insist on answers in order to continue. Not insist on the answers you want and he doesn't have to answer but if he wants you to stay he has to agree to answer your questions and that sword cuts both ways. You have to be willing to answer his. if you can take your initial post and word it in such a way that you place no blame, that in each paragraph you focus on how your choices shaped where you are, not his, yours. where YOU might be able to change..because it's the only thing you can. Like I said in the viper pit, that does NOT reduce his responsiblity for his actions but to fix this each must focus on their own. normal guy iso female friend maybe more
Perhaps I'm splitting hairs but having 'morals' attached to sex does actually work for me. I just don't believe the 'sex is wrong outside of marriage' is actually providing any sort of morality. It not be the best example but take a gun, a gun by itself is a lot of things, a tool for hunting (which people people who hunt much do for enjoyment), recreation..there are of people who like to shoot, me included though I don't do it often..and, a weapon, a weapon used with lethal force to be respected and feared. So much so that anyone using a gun for the other functions should first and foremost hold it in a high regard in order to use it safely. Sex is fun for most of us, I get great enjoyment from it. But sex also has the potential to be very powerful..there's sex that comes from pure physical chemistry, a 'why not, we have one hell of a spark' sex and there's 'oh my God I you sex where you can rattle a headboard until the bolts come loose and hold eachother in a strong embrace and never want to let go'. And unfortunately the times when sex is used as a weapon, it can only be that weapon because of the incredible power it can have in the expression of the offender is going to take that without the other to allow it. It's one of the most violating things that can be done to a human being. Adults struggle with the power of sex, I've been asked point blank which kind of sex just occured because the other person is confused and it can extend all the way to relationships. I'm glad my mom put it to me straight and even though I am by no means perfect, I held a respect for sex. She clearly spelled out the life changing consequences it could have without embellishment (something schools could learn), she warned me about getting hurt and/or hurting others, give it some thought before you jump in, serious thought. It was no bullshit and life has only shown me how right she was. I personally thing the 'big deal' is that (as as proper precautions are taken) is a HELL of a lot more than BC or disease prevention and have lost sight of it and can't seem to figure out why they just can't have all this fun without getting hurt. And I'm ok missing out on some to make sure I'm a 'responsible' horn dog. Portage la Prairie sex findervery hard to deal with religion. People can believe ANYTHING they want. Obviously she wasn't like that when you married her or you wouldn't have. I'd suggest writing her a letter. Letters are good in that you have time to select your words carefully and good in that the reader can reread and think. I'd remind her of the good, old days and the that was there. Suggest that anything overdone can harm a relationship. Perhaps place a limit on religious discussion and participation time, using the new time to date her, and talk about the marriage. Offer your contribution, (resignation of your worship leader position) and ask that she match it. If you get no cooperation, you have no choice. Find a lawyer; they tell you how to proceed. Each partner is entitled to happiness (companionship, respect, satisfying sex life) in a marriage. If you've done all possible to keep together and it doesn't work, why would you stay in it? women for men
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