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I do believe should make they own choice. But I believe that the availability of choices should be given slowly. Start off teaching good habits waking up on time eating spending time doing productive things. who learn that saying no when you have told them to do something has no effect wont say it. Another thing is that I cannot imagine a 3yr old given the option would choice to brush there teeth. They are living in the hear and now. Teach by example. Start giving them more choices as they grow older. example: a who hates to put on hand guards while Rollerblade. Let them they know they can fall they know it can hurt. So tell them they can choice not to wear them and tell them a story about when you hurt yourself because you where not being careful. When they fall and scrape open there hand open help them bandage it but DO NOT THEM and do not allow them to complain about how much it hurts. Also be sure to tell them that they could have gotten hurt worse (deeper cut, both hands ext.) Next time they go out they most likely wear the hand guards. They also be more open to listening to your advise on other subjects. WHAT THIS DOES NOT MEAN Allowing your 5year old who loves dogs to open a strangers gate to say hi to the dog. Or allowing your to not wear a helmet. You want them to learn a lessen not get badly hurt. You know your best. Some mature fast in some areas then others. Make sure the effect of there actions is close to the choice. Not like brushing your teeth and cavities or eating sweets and obesity. Try things more like allowing them to wear the flip flops they when it is snowing and them being cold because of there choice of foot wear (but be sure to have warm boots or something so they do not catch cold). Let your stay up on a school night tell 3am then make sure they have to wake at the normal time anyway. (That one is a fast lessen as as you make sure the nights activities are not to exiting. do this on a normal night not when you are having a party ext.) fit athletic muscular sex right nowFor one thing, I have to be upfront and tell you that I do not believe in "self-esteem". Or, rather, I think the term has been misused to the point where it's hard to recognize. I think gelg is correct, in that self-esteem is more a matter of in one's own competency and assurance that one is capable of solving the problems that life throws at you. How does one develop that sense of competency and assurance? By doing it over and over and over again. By failing, sometimes, and realizing that you can pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get moving again after a disappointment either being fired, losing a relationship, not achieving a goal, etc. EVERYONE fails at some point in life, and it's what we learn from those failures that help us succeed in future endeavors. And here's the problem: There's a whole generation of whose parents brought them up afraid to allow them to fail, because they were afraid that it would "damage their self esteem." What we're now seeing is the result of that well-meaning but misguided notion people grew up under a false series of life "successes" where they were constantly told how wonderful they were. You know the philosophy: No one is allowed to lose, that's why everyone gets a trophy. Their ability to figure out ways around obstacles was never challenged, and when they finally DO face some kind of failure, they fall apart. Then there's the aspect of being inner-driven, rather than outwardly-driven. Outwardly-driven people spend a great deal of time worrying about what other people think about them, and trying to gain the approval of others even if that so-ed "approval" is fleeting or superficial, and sometimes, not even good for the person (.,). How can anyone have 'self' confidence when everything they do, think or feel is dictated by others? There is no sense of "self" they simply become mirrors. There's more but that's the basics. casual relationships
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