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 We've been married over 20 years. We treat one another with and fairness, but the passion is gone. Our interests have diverged. That sounds so trivial when I write it, but really, I can hardly make myself get up in the morning any more. I'm seriously depressed, so I bring little or nothing to the relationship, but I can't seem to help it. Hate my job, marriage is just a structure that needs maintained along with the house, the lawn, etc. None of it means much to me anymore, but to divorce would cause hardships, both financial and emotional, that I don't wish on my wife. (Living on in quiet desperation is the English way ) I'm at a loss. Tired. Keep hoping not to wake up, but I do anyway, lol. Any advice?  american girls 
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 to 'get over' HIS trust issues. If he even has them. He lied to you. This is as plain as the nose on your face, and I think you know that. Who cares whether he likes this girl or not, sending of this type to another woman, while in an exclusive relationship, is so clearly wrong. And he knows this. Thing is, though, you caught him red-handed. His last resort (and a total grasping at straws move, I might add) is to bring into the equation his trust issues, real or imagined, and make the problem about your going through his phone. When the problem is his weirdo exchanges with another woman. Now, of course you shouldn't have gone through his phone. Some problems with trust/ doubts about his fidelity, that you undoubtedly have, brought you there. The questions I think you have to ask yourself is, do YOU have trust issues (in general); OR, has he shown you in some way, in the recent or distant past, that he is not a trustworthy person? If you have trust issues in general, you should work those out as best you can (preferably with help) before venturing into a serious relationship. On the other hand, if he is simply not a trustworthy person, you need to ask yourself why you've stayed on this. be a codependency issue there. My own sinking suspicion is that he's a bit manipulative and has done/ said things before that shook your trust a bit. Even if it's just small things; little white lies accumulate. But I don't really know. If I were you, I'd take the no tolerance route and just break up with him on the basis of the and think about all this in more depth after having done that.  find friends
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