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I just had my first 3 weeks ago, so totally get the 'I feel like an asexual whale' thing. And I warn you, it's about to get a whole lot less sexy. First, you can't have sex for 6 weeks post birth. And on top of that, no sleep, infrequent showers, leaky boobs, stomach pooch, and birth images permanently seared into his mind. So, yeah, wise to work on none sexual ways to feel close. You might want to just have a conversation about that. Approach it like a problem to be solved. "Babe, I know sex is important to you what are we going to do when the comes?" I also understand what it's like to be with a less than romantic partner. I my DH completely, but he's just not the flowers and chocolate kind of guy. It use to bug the hell out of me. First, I had to really think about how important that was to me. DH is very good to me, so did I really need him to prove it in that way? I had to let it go a bit. The second part was being SUPER clear about my expectations. Things like '-, my birthday is coming up. I'd like to go to x restaurant and don't forget that lilies are my favorite flower!' Yes, it's not romantic to plan your own stuff, but it sure beats being disappointed. Then when he follows through, be very appreciative. The more DH got a feel for what I like, and saw how happy it made me, he started to take a lot more initiative. Lastly, don't put yourself out so much! Yes, I understand having sex because you want to please your mate, but don't have sex you really don't want to. That's only going to lead to resentment. I'm not saying withhold, but you need to make you desires matter at least on equal footing to his! Good luck. Congrats on the -! discreet relations NiceHere is how I it- I am a regular lurker and sometimes contributer. I have top posted and responded and never really had a problem with the regulars slamming me. Your posts seem to be designed to draw attention/manipulate attention in your direction. Even in these initial posts here indicating that you changed your handled ended with something along the lines of- there is a story here..ASK ME ABOUT IT! ASK ME, ASK ME .And quite frankly, attention seeking and manipulation is exhausting to deal with. It is a high maint. behavior whether it is on or off line. Your other posts about marriage equality came off to me as condescending. Your whole "I am being shrewd" is more of an example of this. Its a cover for something. I don't know what-maybe insecurity. Its okay. But own it- you didn't come in here hoping to be shrewd. You came in here hoping to find a community- you said this before. So which is it? Be confident in yourself, be your own person, be open to listening and engaging. People respond if you write something that interests them or moves them and you answer them. don't leave things hanging, like oh, there is a story about little old me- if you care at all you ask me about it. Its manipulative behavior. Just like in real life. And honestly, in a forum, you are going to be hurt if you are basing your self worth (or online self worth) in whether or not you can educate people. Some people are just like that- you could say the sky is blue and they would say it is green But I am curious- did you really believe that coming into a space for queer woman and posting about marriage equality was going to help you understand why "they" are against it? the best dating sites
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