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But as stated in my above response to F-G, we have two small dogs that we are both attached to and I would never keep him from seeing them. When I think in terms of "deserting" him, I do so because I would not leave our apt- he would. And he would go back and live with his mentally ill, addicted, alcoholic mother. Just being around her would probably send him back into a full-blown relapse that would land him in rehab, jail, or a grave. I don't think I'm ready to make the move that enables that change in his life. I him, certainly, and I do not want to him go down that terrible path. And since he is unemployed, he doesn't have other housing options that I can think of. I know I need to put myself first but I don't feel I'm ready to kick him out yet. I don't understand his decision not to engage in his hobbies.. I think they are anxiety reducing but his depression zaps his motivation and when he can barely motivate to get in the shower, playing guitar or writing music..well, that probably takes more motivation than hopping in the shower. i'm sorry if i made it sound like he has no interest in improving. He DOES want to improve. He wants nothing more than to have a relationship with me, to contribute, to get, to quit smoking, to do all the things he used to to do. He never learned coping skills and being without a good therapist and not being properly medicated, well, that seems to be a big hurdle to learning coping mechanisms. man looks for sex on Ottumwa
This hit you the hardest because you bought into the whirlwind romance idea. You might have vocalized a more pragmatic stance with him but your emotions were pouncing on the promise that it could be true. Understandable. This hit you hardest than the other relationships because you're in your 30's now. You're ready for serious. You WANT serious. Understandable. All your emotions are understandable but illogical. You have posted that you pointed out the logic of the situation to him times. However, your emotions REALLY wanted to believe and now it's over. You're lucky. REALLY lucky. Imagine being married when he pulled the rug out from under you like that. Imagine having with him when he decided he was "out of now". That would be a whole lot worse. It hurts and I'm sorry but only two months with a guy like that makes you lucky. There. I said it again. Now, you need to tell yourself how lucky you are. Over and over again until you start believing it. You mentioned anger. Sure, I'd be super pissed. However, again, looking at the bigger picture you got out cheap. Vent, journal, cry, eat ice cream, some air guitar, etc. When you're ready make the decision to move on. It won't help to know why he did it. It's his nature and now he's gone. If he comes back? You don't deserve that and after healing you wouldn't WANT that. Let that idea go too. I'm sorry. I you heal from this. i need white thick chick for hot togetherness tonight Martina Francaok, so the handle is a, which should give you a hint about the fact that I'd be interested in a place that's much like the spread he himself has, south of HMB. It's a huge parcel out in the country, secluded, people have their own houses, some are small and some are larger. There's a vegetable garden, fruit trees and other gardens, as well. (; How could a person start something like this, bearing in mind that while I have a beautiful disposition and extraordinary talent, I am not famous or in money. But I do have a little 'egg' to contribute, and I'm a very, very, very hard worker. to work hard both inside the house, cooking, baking, and cleaning,AND I working outside a LOT. I'm serious about this post. I want to know that my NEVER, EVER, ***EVERRRR* be having to look after ME! I'd rather be DEAD, than have that kind of a thing go on! So if I start now, and plan well, I think I could form a wonderful environment for not only myself, but other like-minded people who want to live closer to the earth, cozy-like, and look after one another and especially, *never*, *ever* have to go to an assisted living place, or a hospital or extended care unit, or, a nursing home TO DIE ALONNNE! H. Christ, THAT is a nightmare that would drive me to the woods and be a wild woman personified. I'd be naked and starved, my hair would be matted with dread-locks, and my teeth would be rotting out of my head before I'd ever submit to the status quo about where I'll meet MY end! I ain't goin' down like THAT, mannn. NO WAY!!! He he he So what do I do? What steps do I take? What should I E, even??? PS: When my brother gets his ASS out of bed, I'm going to talk with him about this more seriously I heard him playing the guitar til about 1 ish! It was almost in Pleasanton yesterday AND there was a power outage so he drove over here to escape it wants for fun and frolic
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