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" Better not say that or she might get depressed." Actually I think a more accurate description was "better not say that or she might get angry". But he was like that with everyone, NOT just me. Always calm, always held back, always repressed. I married him because I needed stability and I saw what he did as stable. I was too to recognize that withholding one's emotions (even from oneself) is not a sign of a person. You know like those who go postal all at once? "You really want to focus on your spouse behavior and not on your own." No, I've BEEN focusing on my own ever since then. But omitting the look at him and who he was/is has hindered my healing from the divorce, to some extent, because I still him in the perfect image he presented instead of what was hidden underneath. in my mind, I know he wasn't. But in my heart, he still holds that image because of how I was treated by him. He was deeply codependent, care-taking and enabling and my heart still wants to believe he loved me, even though evidence is that those behaviors were to control the relationship. " You just keep trying to justify you breaking your vows" AGAIN NO! IT WAS WRONG!!! I would never advise anyone to do that. It was a stupid mistake on my part. And I don't it as a mistake ONLY because of the effect, but because it was UNLOVING and that is ALWAYS a wrong choice. Okay? Apparently I have to keep repeating that to each poster. "How is it you can be together that and not mature?" Because my independence vanished slowly but surely under the pressure of illness, depression and a husband who's idea of marriage was to serve in all ways possible. Have you heard the expression "- with niceness"? It's rare, but it happens. Someone takes care of every little problem in your life until you can no longer handle any problem yourself. Most of it happened while I was ill (gastric problems, panic attacks, vertigo). People mature when they have to face difficulties. He kept me from facing the difficulties even by lying to me. I knew he lied just not to me. And you seem to put forth the idea that one spouse having an affair means it's okay for the other one to have an affair without leaving the marriage. Is that really what you meant? submissive woman wanted by horny granny datingR+ votes, as a matter of fact I much copied someone elses vote post and edited it to fit this forum. When the vote started getting messy with anons I wrote in asking that they clean it up, review it or both as I was concerned that the sniping was keeping the vote from being clean and fair. I sent in the link to the discussion as well as the vote threads. I am by no means an expert in these things, I have never posted this kind of vote on before but it is my understanding from pre-research that they can and do check for alts voting more than once. Apparently a decision was made that R+ was appropriate based on their findings. If you feel the need to continue voting you should, but making alts, if that is happening (I have no way to know this) not do anything to help the vote and might have the opposite desired effect. chat room
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