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Yet the reality is her lovers give her more intense sexual than I do. When I say this I mean it purely on sexual level. One thing this life style has taught her is how to compartmentalize her sexuality and sexual pleasure. She has the ability to separate sex from and understands that her lovers are for sex. Yet when they are together, the power of their sex is so real and raw. Our sex is loving and intimate and wonderful. Their sex is powerful and deliberate and epic. I know it sounds odd, but the course of their relationships has been much like a heavyweight boxing match. Two finely tuned athletes first feeling each other out and then eventually standing toe to toe, delivering blow after blow, challenging the other give rise up and find their best, finishing the match totally spent and exhausted. Being a part of it for me is a thrill. I her so dearly and seeing her realize the fullness of her sexuality in the context of our marriage and the pleasure that has brought to both of us is nearly beyond description. And being able to share intimacies, and kink with her on my own right is a in and of itself. Yet in the midst of all this, sex and kink, I'd be lying if I didn't recognize a certain amount of uneasiness, nervousness perhaps even anxiety. I'm thrilled she's so fulfilled but why can't I be the one who provides it? What if I were capable of giving her THOSE kind of orgasms? don't get me wrong, I'm far from saying that I'm ready to reign things back in a more monogamous fashion. And I have shared these concerns with her and she gets it. She is very sensitive to my needs. We spend a lot of time cuddling and talking, sometimes immediately after they've finished fucking. This has been great. The only thing we haven't talked about is ending the lifestyle and going back. I'm not saying I want that. If I did I'd feel comfortable saying it to her. Yet at the same time I just feel like, in ways, the dye has been cast. There is no turning back. I'm not sure now our relationship could withstand it. I guess this has been an extremely way of me asking a very simple question. For those involved in this lifestyle, have you experienced this feeling I've described? Of wanting all this for your spouse, yet at the same time being somewhat conflicted by it? a 420 cuddle buddy wantedI apologize for top-posting without having posted much. I have been reading regularly since over a year ago, so I am very familiar with the process. Since this is an forum, filled with strangers, this is whose opinion I would really like at the moment. I want to take a poll. My girlfriend and I had a huge fight this morning. It was a continuation of a discussion we had last night. First, some background. I am in my mid-twenties, she is in her mid/late thirties. (The age difference is only peripheral to this I think). We have been together for about 14 months now. What is important is that, though I have been out to everyone in my life for most of my life, I only came out to my parents about a month after the two of us started dating. They are (as am I) from a different culture (let’s just say it constantly ranks with Saudi Arabia in terms of homophobia) and took it super hard. I am, however, an only, and my parents (especially my dad) me a lot. I know this. This is why, even though it was terribly painful to me do this, we have stayed in contact and have kept out relationship much the same. They told me that they did not want to hear anything about my girlfriend. I obliged, except when asked direct questions. Then I made it clear that she was still in my life and that unless they want to “go there”, they should maybe not ask such questions. I wanted to give them some time, and then slowly start to force the issue. I know that within the next year or so, I would insist that she be accepted and treated with respect, or my relationship with them would suffer. I figured a couple of years is a reasonable amount of time for them to get their bearings. My girlfriend and I were planning to move in together this month, something I did avoid telling my parents. I think they would misunderstand the move to mean that I am engaged to her or something like that (again, cultural) whereas the two of us are just “trying it out”. I her, but I have never lived with someone, and I do have a bit of a commitment issue, so needless to say this is all scary (though also exciting, of course). Bottom line, I did not want the added pressure to this whole situation of dealing with my parents at the same time. I wanted to tell them after we did it, and it worked, and it had been a couple months. adult single dating
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