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I turned it over to her and it was up to her to decide what she wanted. I imagine she had fears opening up to someone who wanted time from her but also it went against her ethics. I wanted her to know I was not a crazy who was gonna cause issues I just needed a friend. I had laid it all out for her to think about, turned and walked away there was nothing left for me to say. My immediate future was in her hands, although I figured that I would survive if she said no I also knew I would feel a sense of rejection. Rejection was nothing new to me but it wasn't much fun to experience, I suppose it would help me to grow and become stronger. I also realized that if it happened I would lick my wounds and that it was just no, not a prison sentence. I would just do what I probably should in the first place and find a professional to talk to. But I have a tendency to take the easy way and I had already achieved a semblance of trust with this relationship and didn't want to travel that path again if I could avoid it! I didn't want to seem desperate but I suppose in a way I was because I had no one to talk to and I knew that my growth required changes and that included trusting another, talking and sharing me. I wished for someone who appreciated the 13 year old that ached to come out and play and life. I wanted from life the ability to just be me without any issues. I didn't have a clue what the response would be I just knew I needed to try, because I knew what I had seen and felt. I knew there was some sort of loneliness there and my arrogance wanted to take it away. My arrogance wanted to make her laugh and feel the freedom I sometimes felt. The sense of freedom that didn't matter to me what anyone thought, I was gonna sing and dance! I was gonna joke and goof off. I needed to be around people like me so I went to a dance, plus I thoroughly enjoyed watching the women there. Standing there smiling at the thoughts going through my head I noticed someone come in the door. I couldn’t believe neither my eyes nor my heart as she walked in the door. She was alone, I was so amazed. I knew it must have taken a lot for her to walk through those doors. love of my life Fentress Virginia from the darktimes are hard for lots of people. For the past few years, my places of employment have gotten innundated with resumes from corporate folks looking for a server position when they've had no hospitality experience whatsoever. I'm talking stacks of resumes inches thick; none of them get a second look. A lot of hiring is done via word of mouth, where current employees can vouch for people they've worked with in the past in similar environments. It's much quicker and more reliable than putting out an ad and wading through the responses. I would say try not to focus too much on what makes you different, because living inside your head during stressful times in search of those reasons only exacerbate a problem which might not exist in the first place, and people pick up on that. Not a good thing when those who remain employed are already overworked and stressed out about keeping their jobs. Likewise, are you in contact with people from your past workplaces? It would be good to stay involved with them in some capacity, both in terms of keeping your network active and getting outside of your head and back to feeling like a participant in the fabric of society. Volunteering or getting involved in stuff like local election politics or whatever interests you can help as well. You'll come in contact with those folks who are quite different than you, but cooperating towards a mutual goal can help put those differences into a more positive perspective, which can go a way towards finding a comfortable place for you and the people around you. And who knows, it well be a path into a different work environment for your skill set. I'd be inclined to think in this direction if past connections and experiences aren't going anywhere. classified ads
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