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Well the reasons why it lasted this is really a lot of factors rolled in together, that's why it makes it harder to decide. He is almost perfect. He is very nice, considerate, caring, responsible and all that. He is also goodlooking, tall and financially stable. He is also very committed to us, loyal and very much in with me. He also doesn't drink and doesn't do. We are both home bodies and very much alike so I think we are very compatible. That's why it makes me feel that it is a HUGE mistake to leave the same time, I did try to communicate with him my feelings, I've tried to open communication in our relationship. I've always talked about it, about being alone. I didn't just tell him that last month. We have been talking about it for the past 2 years, or maybe even 3 years. He would always enumerate all the reasons why we should be together, all practical reasons really, and they seem correct and I would believe him and agree that he is right, then that's that for a while until I start talking about it again. Then the cycle begins. This cycle of agreeing then changing my mind went on and on for the past few years, it is regular, like every 2-3 months or even 6 months. Some talks would be more emotional than others. This is why I feel that I really just have to do this because this idea keeps on coming back. It is not a secret, he knows full well. His reasons are all practical and logical, my reasons are more emotional based. My reasons for wanting to be alone is because I just want to grow up. I want to be independent. I want to achieve things (on my own). I want to explore. I want to decide for my own life. I want to be free to choose (this applies to any situation) His reasons why we should stay together is because we each other, we are very compatible and we have good future plans together. We are good together. I am 36 and he is 46, btw. I am at a point right now when I really just want to make a decision once and for all and not be swayed by his reasons (which all sounds correct, by the way) I just want to end this cycle of going back and forth, of not being sure. I want to make a decision and stick to it. I feel that I am leaning towards stopping this LTR and just be alone (for a while and what happens) But just before I do that I write here coz' I want to hear what you think. Negative or Positive. fuck a girl Grand Rapids MichiganAdvice from my tipsy impassioned Mother, usually a staid PhD historian social anthropologist (my mother is truly not an alkie or an abuser, she does not drink every day and gets blotto on 2 glasses of wine) to my then 3 year old daughter who was throwing a tantrum while visiting her in LA years back and happened to be holding a little doll. "Let out your anger, -! THROW THE DOLL!!! THROW THE DOLL AGAINST THE WALL!!!" Luckily for her future imprinting of mothering skills, my then 3 year old just stared at my mother in disbelief and shock and held her doll tight- and shut up completely!!!!!! GO MOM*)! She actually tried to take the doll from and show her how to throw it (BAM!) against the wall, and then, of course, started crying again. *sigh* Whenever my Mom gets really pompous and intellectually arrogant my brother or I softly say in sotto voice, "Throw the doll against the wall, Mom!" to humble her- dating blacks
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