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My sub and I started out in a bedroom only D/s setup, One day, we were sitting together on my couch, and in the course of discussion decided that we enjoyed our roles enough to take into the regular aspect of our life. We're not completely for any number of reasons, but it's definitely way more than just limited to sex. But you're asking about balance. The way he and I balance things is that he generally has a rule/punishment and reward structure (that we discussed beforehand based on limits, wants and needs) he's to abide by. For example: he's a masochist, so pain is a reward for him. In the rare times I've had to punish him, it's really more verbal in nature like telling him he's being inappropriate and it displeases me, which is a HUGE thing for him. He's a pleaser, loves tasks and service. Disappointing me is upsetting to him, so mental punishments are better for him than most physical ones. There are some things I don't have control over, like his finances and his creative outlets (his band, his writing). These are areas that existed before I did in his life, and I prefer to leave them to him. -Though I'd be remiss to say that he doesn't ask for counsel every once in a while regarding these issues, I generally don't give orders about them unless I feel he's being completely unreasonable that hasn't happened as of yet, and it's been nearly 3 years. It's going to be trial and error the entire way, I think. There have been times with my sub that fell flat, and some were fantastic. That's the only way you're going to know what works for you and what doesn't. do you have a thing for older married manMy ex girlfriend and I were in a relationship for about two years. we ending the relationship close to two weeks ago.. We had some short breaks, i think 2, throughout the relationship that ended up smoothing over after a week or so and wed get back together with an even stronger understanding and for each other. We are both twenty years old, met senior year in highschool and have always had an intense and special connection, we always each other no matter what. We had some issues with communication.. she would get really stressed out trying to balance her job, college classes, an active social life, and a relationship. at times she would feel overwhelmed and become distant and inconsistant with the amount of time and affection she would offer to the relationship. We had a lot of amazing times together and fantastic sex, but as we were both forced to take on more responsibilty we found it hard to have time to each other as much. I would always blow off any inconvenience and be there for her, even at the end of a full day working a double. I did not care, as as i could be with her i was happy and excited. On the other hand, she would frequently let minor inconveniences come between us hanging out, and was becoming more disinterested in wanting to me and be into the relationship. I noticed this and gave her space to make the next move, i felt like i was putting much more into the relationship and was trying to cope with an overall lack of reciprocation. No breakthrough and we less and less of each other (about once a week at this point now) until one day when we are hanging out, i bring up the topic of her lack of enthusiasm and she tells me something i was not expecting. she told me she recently had a emotional affair, nothing physical, he just showed interest and she went with it. I was thrown, i felt hurt but listened on as she started to open up. She then began telling me how it was stupid and selfish and that it was just different to have attention from a new different guy. She continued, telling me how it only made her realize how amazing of a guy i am, and how "lucky she is that i chose her" and how much she loved me and wanted to be there for me, wanted to be the good girlfriend i deserved. find sex partners
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