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IRL I vacillate wildly between telling outrageous stories, having pretentious philosophical discussions, and being a complete hermetic shut-in. I've recently noticed it seems to have to do with the seasons. I'm wondering about SAD. Anyway, since the fo' has been slow as shit today, here's one of my stories: So, when I was in high school I lived for one year in this teeny, teeny ass town in Colorado where my mother was the City Clerk. Now, my mother takes infinite pleasure in teasing and annoying me (it's genetic, apparently), and one of her favorite things to do is pinch my ass. I have no idea why, except that it annoys the hell out of me. So, anyway, I go up to her office one day and there she is, standing over her desk, riffling through papers and looking for something while her friend S. was sitting behind the desk hunting around, too. The door was behind my mother, so when I went in, there was her huge (huge. huge! her ass is huge) ass right in my face, so of COURSE I had to run up and pinchpinchpinchpinch it like ten times. S.'s mouth dropped open, and my mother slowly, slowly stood up, turned around, and just stared at me like I was frigging crazy, at which point I managed to yelp out, "Aaaah!!!! You're not my mother!" Turns out it was, the Assistant Fire Chief for the county, and here I am, dumb fuck closeted 17 year old Ax pinching her ass. The entire next year, every time I saw her, she would giggle and wave like a little school girl just to fuck with me and my blush. Worst. Punishment. Ever. old women are da bomb
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