Thank You for Making Me Go, Charlie w4m I am meeting such nice, quality men now, and they are all very appreciative. I don't have to sleep with them to get their attention. I just have to be me. It is so nice. I was so in love with you, but maybe it was a child's type of love. Maybe that magic, the endless friendship and solid feeling I always had (which you seemed to have lost so easily, which made me even, well we know the stories), maybe that was just being in love with love, with your plan for our love. Your promises were too much for you to keep, but I believed you when you said I finally had a home and a family. I believed every intention you gave, but now I am being practical, and it is so much fun! Nice, no games, respectful. Sure, we don't talk of marriage or family or moving in together, but I don't have to wonder what is going on or why there is a conflict of words and actions. They match here, and my brain is so grateful. My heart? It will get over the whole thing. The other, I haven't tried, so can't tell you yet, but even if it is half of what we had, I'll be satisfied.
I've finally figured out why I always got so scared when you looked somewhere else or someone at you! It was because you meant too much to me. That child inside was always waiting to be hurt and have you taken away. When I don't care, it doesn't matter who looks. Real Catch 22, isn't it? Conundrum! Well, I guess I have to compromise for my sanity. I did not help our situation, but your love for you know who and your games there did not either. She and I would have been like sisters. What will you give them now?
Anyway, I'm having the time of my life and all the bad habits are not even a thought. Just takes a little appreciation and respect, I guess. I still love you, but I know you are not healthy now and you will not get the help you need, so I have to make myself try harder elsewhere and take the consequences of that. Can't all be so perfect, right?
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I have a daughter whos under 1 yr of age and shes starting to notice that the vibe changes once daddys around. I just want to be happy and get butterflies again :/
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