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My wife left me after 8 years of marriage with 2 sons who at the time were 8 and 2. She screwed the ex-con brother of her "best friend," moved into a ramshackle roach infested apartment, and threatened to take our boys to live with her abusive alcoholic parents half a continent away. I was backed into a corner and filed for divorce (against my -) and took custody of the boys. That was. I was crushed. Like you, I could barely function. Couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, lost lots of weight, cried all the time, blah blah yadda yadda yakkitty schmakkitty. Took her back the following year because I figured the needed both parents. Wasn't before she was waffling about the possibility of wanting another divorce. That eventually blew over but she constantly undermined my authority with the, was always accusatory, confrontational, and disrespectful. FF to today We haven't slept in the same room in 5 years. Haven't had sex in 3 years. Can't stand the sight of each other. So. I'm not trying to be a cold, hateful misogynist here. It's just the voice of experience talking (and I have observed much the same set of circumstances in other similar relationships). You are likely better off to let her go and move on. get laid in Red BluffIn practice, it doesn't ever seem to work. I repeat a lot of positive affirmations to myself in my head, only to have the angry, ugly inner voice snark at the affirmations and remind me of how stupid and trite they all are. I'm quite crazy, unfortunately, but intelligent enough to reason/do combat with any kindness I might throw my own way. It would be sort of funny if it didn't keep me so fucking down. You know, sometimes I think "I'll feel sexy if I dress up as he likes and entice him, and spark his interest." But I feel foolish most of the time when I do these days, and I also feel like I'm breaking my promise to myself to NOT be the sexual initiator. It really bothers me when I do that, but honestly the last time he initiated without any hinting from me was A) over a month ago and B) when I was sleeping. Which seems to be the case so frequently! He never demands or requests sex when we're both awake just when he wakes in the middle of the night with an erection. Then I get the feeling he doesn't want me when we're both conscious. :/ But if I made good on my word and never initiated, I'd never get laid. And I'm so incredibly sexual at the core, that I would be even more miserable then than now. I'm so rambly. :/ I just feel a lot of mixed-up bad things right now and I wish I could really make it stop, instead of putting my fingers in my ears and shouting "LALALA," y'know? dating agency
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