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Thanks for all those who have been keeping up with my posts. I've been with my BF for 4 years. We've had some rough patches. We've stayed together and I do him, despite his faults. His happiness has always been important to me, and I care about him very much. I'm really in the thick of trying to figure out if it's worth continuing. The commute issue recently brought some more issues to the fore, and now I have a lot of material to work with in determining whether to stay or go. Ideally, I'd like to stay with him. I need some SMALL changes in our relationship. I need more affection, first of all. I need a daily hug or kiss initiated by him. I need occasional dates to let me know the fun/passion/specialness of our bond is worth celebrating to him, and that a once-a-month occasion to get dressed up and have a good meal is worth it. I need his time, not to be left alone for large parts of the weekend while he works on his hobbies. I need to be told "I you," even twice a year would be good. I need to know (less easy to measure) that he be there for me when I need him. Should I tear my meniscus again or have an accident or get sick, that I can count on him to be tender and helpful and kind. I don't think these are big things to ask for. Before I throw in the towel, can I talk to him about these things? How can I let him know that it's REALLY important now (we've had the affection/intimacy talk before with no change in his efforts/behavior)? I read someone -'s post earlier here today where the female OP was saying how she felt she was "wrong" for wanting certain things. I've been down that road, wondering if I wasn't sexy/-/desireable/good enough, or if there wasn't something fundamentally wrong with me for how he was behaving towards me (I do believe he loves me, he just SUCKS at showing it and over time it wears me down). Now that I've healed that part and realized there's nothign wrong with me to prevent him from loving me in these ways, and that I deserve those ways of being loved, I'm facing ending it, if he can't how I NEED these things like plants need. So how can I talk to him about this? I would ideally like to save the relationship. All along I thought it/we would grow seeking my geek goddessgets to the point that I tend to blow it off. I stopped even thinking about planning anything because if I do its the wrong time wrong is not alined with the on the 3rd wednesday of leap year. You know what I mean. On the other hand when we do it I do enjoy it so I am responsive when it does come around. I just don't plan anyhting because it usually gets shot down. Together 16 yrs lonely married wives
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