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funny you mention that. cos i wasn't going to state that. no need to add to the confusion. but yes.. i'll type it: i'm bio-female.. mentally doc'd as FTM.. but because having a shrink telling me that dandies don't exist (which is BULLSHIT cos i've met functioning male dandies).. and serious pressure from an industry professional, i'm chewing on the real possibility of never pursuing my "path" in favour for a at the lottery that is music. stupid, yeah. i know. but it's why i like to dress up, down, both femme and masc.. and well, yes, dress outlandishly in a disco -clubkid type style when at clubs.. i guess i'd rather be a walking portfolio right now. hobbies: 1) music.. sing, guitar, bass, programme synths. 2) fashion and costume styling/design/consulting. 3) philosophy/theosophy.. hardcore into aesthetics and ethics the classical greeks and existentialists. 4) writing.. painting.. 5) listening to indie and post-punk music.. fun Mount Pleasant South Carolina girl in west anch fireweedWhat you're suggesting is not to ease your parents' souls, but your own. You don't that? How would revealing all this stuff NOW, after it's too late to change anything, make them happier? More likely, I think, it would cause more stress, tears, anger, hurtful words, and arguments than you realize. Is that what you're seeking? Think of this: What we grow up with and maintain in our adult lives is what we become comfortable with even pain. It's what we KNOW. Peace and isn't familiar, so it makes us uncomfortable. It's nice for awhile, but eventually we seek what we know. I think that's what you're doing seeking to stir up shit so you can have that pain all over again. It sets your 'world' straight again, as you know it. Look, everyone had pain and sadness in childhood and adolescence. Some more than others, but I can guarantee that more people dealt with terrible childhoods like yours than you realize. We're damn good at covering up, so to the outside world all appears happy. But everyone deals with it differently. You chose pills, food, and suicide to deal with yours. I became an introvert and shunned deep relationships except for a few (who, ironiy, mirror the same attitude of my parents). Others become rebels, social workers with a personal agenda, homeless drifters, helicopter parents, or filthy entrepreneurs. Few talk about their deep secrets and dark childhoods. So you think you dealt with more than normal, but I'll bet it wasn't as far outside of normal as you think. don't lay this on your parents. It's too late to change things, and you cannot turn back time. Leave it alone, for them. But for yourself, seek therapy to help you overcome. old man sex
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