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I have spent many years studying with the masters of understanding. Yes, spiritual studies. The shape and structure of reality is changing but for the worse. People no longer want to stay together. Many do not even want to get together., The very fabric of close, loving and blissful relationships is by the way side. This in favor of people going after "friends with benefits" trying to play one another and living a life of "getting what one can" over and above another. This is not relationships it is mutual exploitation.There is a global economic crisis. But there is a deeper, darker undercurrent happening. Each has his or her own personal crisis happening. Nothing seems fulfilling. So one is taxed with trying to fill their soul, like trying to fill an empty bucket that has a hole in the bottom. Nothing seems to work. Many are basing their future relationship on things that make no sense. They've forgotten the role of quality, inner beauty, morals, character and peace and love. Dear Universe, show me the one girl that realizes almost all future relationships are hitting the skids and end in dismal failure and has an idea of what to do about it, and I won't ever ever let her go.
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So my frustration continues to build. When I met him, he was in his late 30's and told me he was a virgin, he had had only 2 short relationships and never went all the way with either of them. He said this was due to religious beliefs. At the time we met I was 35 and he was 39. We have been married now 8 years, together 9 years. At 35 I had only one real serious term relationship, and a few short terms ones, and had dated a lot. I had always loved sex and considered it the most important part of any relationship. But at 35, I really wanted to get married and have a family. I felt like I kept meeting wrose and worse type guys in my 30's, than I had in my 20's. So I don't know, I guess I can say I was getting desperate. I am glad I stayed with him, even though in the beginning it was very aparent he would never really be that sexual. I am glad because we got married and had a almost immedietly, and my is the best most beautiful thing in my life. But now, fast forward 9 years later, I am depressed. I am 44, not in my 80's! I want to have sex and feel this gloomy feeling, like unless I try hard to initiate, and do all the work, then it wont happen. When we do have sex, its mostly me trying hard to get him off. He has never even tried to give me an orgasm. He once said it takes me too. He maybe has gone down on me less than 10 times in 9 years. WHat is good about him, is he is very loyal, I know he does not cheat, he is always home when not at work, and his only "thing" he likes to do is fantasy football. He much goes along with any idea for what to do, but I usually have to make any and all plans, but he'll go along with them. Regarding sex, in the beginning we would fight over it, and I would wonder if he was (turns out no) I wonder if he just has the worlds lowest sex drive. He claims to be tired .but even when he was unemployed for a couple years, the sex just never happened (unless I tried to get him started). His excuses to me have been too tired that he is shy and does not like initiating (shy after all these years of marriage?) and also doesn't want to do it because I've upset him in some way. SO through the years I've tried different things. Heth Arkansas bookwomen seeks new membersI've been taking anti-histamines for a facial swelling. However I think it's not an allergy,more likely an insect bite or sting. Yesterday I visited a country Methodist church and this morning I managed to nip inside an Anglican and a Methodist. Some nice views from the Anglican church,it's on top of a hill. Weather this morning was lovely but on the bus journey home the heavens opened. But I was laughing,I'd taken along a rain jacket. mature ladies xxx
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