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The narcissist lacks empathy. Consequently, he is not really interested in the lives, emotions, needs, preferences, and hopes of people around him. Even his nearest and dearest are, to him, mere instruments of gratification. They require his undivided attention only when they "malfunction" when they become disobedient, independent, or critical. He loses all interest in them if they cannot be "fixed" (for instance, when they are terminally ill). People find the narcissist "cold", "inhuman", "heartless", "clueless", "robotic or machine-like". Early on in life, the narcissist learns to disguise his socially-unacceptable indifference as benevolence, equanimity, cool-headedness, composure, or superiority. "It is not that I don't care about others" he shrugs off his critics "I am simply more level-headed, more resilient, more composed under pressure They mistake my equanimity for apathy." The narcissist tries to convince people that he is compassionate. His profound lack of interest in his spouse's life, vocation, interests, hobbies, and whereabouts he cloaks as benevolent altruism. "I give her all the freedom she can wish for!" he protests "I don't spy on her, follow her, or nag her with endless questions. I don't bother her. I let her lead her life the way she sees fit and don't interfere in her affairs!". He makes a virtue out of his emotional truancy. All very commendable but when taken to extremes such benign neglect turns malignant and signifies the voidance of true and attachment. The narcissist's emotional (and, often, physical) absence from all his relationships is a form of aggression and a defense against his own thoroughly repressed feelings. In rare moments of self-awareness, the narcissist realizes that without his input even in the form of feigned emotions people abandon him. He then swings from cruel aloofness to maudlin and grandiose gestures intended to demonstrate the "larger than life" nature of his sentiments. This bizarre pendulum only proves the narcissist's inadequacy at maintaining adult relationships. It convinces no one and repels. bi curious here looking for fun
the prospective boss asks, "So, your resume shows that you've been consulting how have you been supporting yourself?" We know that that is NOT relevant. Anyone can ask you anything in an interview whether it is appropriate or not. We choose if we want to answer directly or not. Some people don't recognize others who have been struggling in this economy. The boss who drives his car up the parking car garage, valet parks his car, takes the elevator up to his office, while remaining somewhat immune to what's really going on. I get that occasionally during interviews, "So, what have you been doing the past couple of years?" ("consulting, volunteering, or taking care of an elderly relative" apparently don't explain enough). This guy actually wanted to know "HOW I've been taking care of myself financially." I applied to my related field of career. It IS entry level because that is all that is available right now. 10 yrs ago, I made $2k more than what this job is offering. Right now, I'm not making anything. He said, "I'm afraid you'll want to leave in 3, 6, or 9 mos." IF a prospective boss finds a single educated woman with. degree and prior related work experience willing to start at the bottom, what can HE do to retain me in 1-yr or 2 yrs from now? Help me understand where HE is coming from and how best to dialogue with him. Because right now, ppl are operating out of FEAR mode. They don't know what to do with mid-age, over educated, out of work job seekers who WANT to help them make money and do well and get back to work. He said, "Starting pay is $ " Starting pay, yet he said while looking at my resume, "You're extremely overqualified, I just don't know if you'll stick around." I know the pay RANGE, could I ask for a teeny bit more IF he offers it? Starting pay doesn't pay much, that's why. Raises are based on what your starting pay is. So are promotions. chat sex Francisco moratoshe is independent implies that the neediness is my problem. i do think her level if independence is in part protective. and i also recognize, as i said in my original post, i have a high level of need. i do get confused sometimes if my level of need is something i should keep to myself or if i should bring it into the relationship. for the most part i keep it under wraps recognizing it as something i need to work through. group sex
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