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Understanding and closure are overrated, some concept thrown out there that makes people believe that by some magic if you just knew well then you could move on. Get used to the alone time being what it is, there's a lot of water in the hose even if the tap is shut off it takes time and even though the idea of a year or so to recover well it passes. don't try and talk to the ex drop it. The goal is acceptance and in time, indifference. But that's in the future, right now you need to do more. None of this 'trying' shit, that's the cop out. Make the appointment if you think you could use a counselor, tomorrow. I know food tastes like cardboard but if you must, buy those slim fast things..quick, easy and at least you'll get some calories. Be careful about shoulders to cry on I know what you're hoping for but you must learn to be your own support. You need to rebuild your power, it ain't easy but that's no excuse. Start small, if you have a tendency right now to let the place go be obsessively neat, do your dishes immediately, fold laundry, that kind of thing. Whatever you chose to work on, start fairly small and have it be positive. Take a class, read recovery books, go for a walk or run. Look, your is going to be mush turn it off unless you're dealing with the actual legal side of divorce and get physical. This isn't really something you get over it's something you go through. For life to be positive again you need to do positive things and although it not feel like it, you have an opportunity to do more for yourself than ever before. The only one stopping you is you. I know you don't feel like doing that kind of stuff but do it anyway, it get better. granny mature aurora
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