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Something that's happening to me at a rate of speed now, that's surprising, unexpected, and I have no control of it, really (not that I'm wanting any control of it). It's just happening and a lot. It feels as if all of those classes in meditation and relaxation techniques that I taught when I was in my fourties(?) and all of my 'spiritual' books that I read mostly back then, that I keep in my library now(?) it all made sense to me then, but it was all a pale reflection of what Mother Nature is dishing out to me now, in the name of 'enlightenment'. I always had compassion for my husband, including when he became my former husband, and even when he was *hideous*. But I had a measure of Big Fear, and not enough backbone, to really deal with him. Now, our conversations are dominated by the presence of my Big, and I'm met with these silences from him, and more sweetness. He senses a change, and he's somewhat taken back. Then, there's other things that have taken shape in other significant relationships that I have. It's all clear, understandable, and fitting, really. This 'Goddess business' that I kid about is actually something that I take to heart. I want my candle to burn all the way down before I pass on. I want to all the way. Which is what's happening now. Gonna go polish my furniture now! God, I housekeeping!!! (not kidding) Big, Your nutty internet pal!!! grannies wanting sex in EmpfingLet me just warn you of the rude, hurtful and offensive individuals on this thread. don't fuel their fire by responding to their comments. You need to learn about the stages of greiving or loss, if you aren't familiar with them. I was told divorce is like mourning a death, the death of your marriage. I am 33 and I have twins that are 5 and my youngest is turning 4 next month. I think the heart wrenching feeling you have right now subsides and you enter into less of an overwhelming state of emotion. I know say this but you aren't alone. Find another place to get support and let out your emotions, a safer place. There are very cruel people here and you are in a very fragile state, right now. Not to take away from the great people here, I know you are in a lot of pain and don't need someone to stab you in an already bleeding wound. sexy massage
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