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I dated someone awhile back who was incredibly turned on by being choked and slapped in the face, and having her hair pulled. I later learned that she was previously beaten by a boyfriend when she tried to leave him he slapped her, dragged her around the room by the hair and, she said, strangled her with the intent to kill her. (Sorry if this is unpleasant, but there a point coming ) (And obviously, she escaped with her life, and fled that f*cker in San, making it up here to SF.) So I wondered why in the world she would want to incorporate those things into sex play? Well, pardon the amateur psycholoanlysis ('I'm not a shrink, but I play one on TV '), but my theory is that she took something terrifying, life-threatening, and processed it by sublimating it into an arousing sexual experience with someone she trusted, in a safe consensual setting. So in fact, this is a broader question about corporal punishment in general for instance, the way it was posed below by whoever said it's more exciting to have spanking (or whatever) administered as 'correction' for specific 'infractions' (with which I whole-heartedly agreee, btw :-). I wonder whether the masochists and subs among us (and I've been on that side in the past) crave punishment and other forms of correction becuase in essence we are seeking either to expiaste some real, deeply-seated guilt, or to process with sexual release some specific frightening or unpleasant event to whatever degree we are or aren't consciously aware of it. So I guess, put another way, if you were hurt or embarassed in the past and it was NOT YOUR FAULT you can 'own' it and take back control over it by processing iit with a lover under negotiated conditions. Get it? So in that light, maybe the question is, does the sub's for punishment, correction, etc., stem from something bad done to her/him, which was out of her/his control, and and a need to possess it take it back, in a sense by reprocessing it in a setting in which she/he is surrendering control? And if so, isn't that a fascinating paradox? :-) ~Z. webcams xxx California
I come from a situation where boys and girls as always out together like family. We were raised together, then when I went to a college that was exactly the same way as I grew up so the people in that college grew up like me.. CLose friends with the opposite sex. So it could stem from that.. In college, everyone was friends with everyone and had best friends of the opposite sex.. Though my closest male friend didn't grow up like me. But he did admit that I was the first real female friend he's ever had. So it's possible. horny women Clinton Clintonhonest about the fact that you have exhibited controlling behavior as this helps to understand why she would need to set such a clear boundary, especially concerning. To hear you exclaim you "should be a close 2nd, all the time!" shows that controlling behavior very clearly. Can you recognize this? It might help you to get some counseling to clarify where your control issues stem from and how to manage them more effectively. It is easy to get stuck in our behavior and not "-" it clearly. We need others to help us it. horny mature
looking for someone to show me some ropes the amount of times you said it? You only need to say it but once unless you have new insight which you did not have! I am only judging you by the very same standard you are applying to me. If you have read all that I wrote I was actually attempting to help the in this whole mess -I apologize I did not state that. But I test the waters at times to what the reactions are -so I do apologize for that. But I really try to what the PO reactions are and they tell a far different story. Yes it is a pet peeve that I read some POs actually come here looking for advise while others just come to blow off steam and others come to blow off stem by wrapping their anger up in the pretense of seeking advice but are only here to vent. I have NO objection to either endeavor, venting or seaching advice, but it is a waste of time to read and consider a poster's question but to find out they are only here to vent. Waste of time and effort of others to read and waste effort where there is no to seek advice but justification! free sex chat False Pass Alaska
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