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First of all, ask yourself a few questions, because you are dealing with a main triangle of people here, plus extended family members. Ask yourself if this relationship means enough to you that you cannot imagine living your life without this person. If the answer is no, that would be the easiest scenario, just sit your fiancee down and tell him you feel like a third wheel and that he obviously has unfinished business with the ex, and that there's more to it than the -'s well being involved, and that you are quietly stepping out of the picture so they can be one big, happy, disfunctional family! Then walk away, don't look back and get sucked in, and make a fresh start for yourself. If, on the other hand, the answer to your question is YES, YES, YES!! then get your big girl pants on, cuz your're gonna have to become one strong woman and stick to your guns about things. The first thing you do is sit your fiance down and tell him exactly were you are coming from and what you expect of him. Tell him that you understand his need to keep some sort of family structure in place for his -'s sake, but by treating his ex more like his wife, you feel undermined and left out, partly because of all the years of familiarity and partly because women are and his ex obviously still wants her place of honor in the family, a place that should be YOURS at this point. It's fine if she wants to be at partys, etc., but your husband has NO RIGHT expecting you to like her, talk to her, or have squat to do with her in any way, shape, or form, and that you would appreciate it if he would have a conversation with her and put her in her place, along with his mother. Then stand proudly by his side, smile, be hospitable, and be the best step mom around, but make sure that your fiance's attention is always on you % aside from the, when the ex is around. Be obvious about the fact that he is your at this point and she is just a drone delivering the back and forth, basiy invisible to you, understand? Get busy and make your family time shine, draw those in, on them, be yourself, and be successful, don't let anyone get in your way. If, after all this is said and done, and your fiance doesn't step up, leave him anyway. You be far better of and suffer far less in the end. ugly ducking old women
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