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Chunky Monkey I am realizing it is what it is. Not crazy just have some things I really want to get out. not just hide in some journal somewhere. I held on to hope for the longest time. Believing we'd make it through. From the day we met there has been battles, we have taken turns being the shit head and we have always overcome. I hope you know in no way do I place the blame on you will I ever hate you. To this day I still love you so very much and it is taking much everything I have to get through each day. Every day I miss you more. Maybe you think otherwise, and I truly am sorry if I didn't show you in all the ways you needed. It will be a regret until my dying day. I would give anything to listen to what you have to say. for a chance to make things right. I know you are hurt and upset, I am too. I never wanted this! I wanted a lifetime with you and all your beautiful quirks.. to wake up to your handsome face and your gatlin gun mouth. This world can be a crappy place but to me our world was perfect. Our family, dimple boy in the , our neurotic dog, our home we spent hours creating, the garden that wouldn't grow, the best cuddles ever, tectonic plates, Wilbur Wright, Weber, coffee and vinyl. There is so much more and it was all perfect to me! I wish you believed me. I am far from happy I've been a mess, a kind of heartbreak I never knew existed. I worry everyday if you are ok. I know your struggles and I know your heart. I know this isn't easy for you either. It is so much easier to be pissed and think of all the bad things, I've been there I know, and that too is something I now regret. I am a fighter and fight for what I love. history should prove this. though sadly now it is painstakingly clear, I have no choice but to fight like hell against everything I believe true, to convince my heart to let go. I never wanted to. i need a bi or bi curious woman s opinion pleasei can swallow a banana!! Dont believe me? Come over and see for yourself. I am the head doctor. Come over and lets play sevenotwosixwontwoseven fuck the girl Barbati online sex chating
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The conflicts your feeling are normal, hell they are expected. You're getting a divorce for fuck sake. What are you doing playing with fire? Being hurt and wanting someone to validate you as a human being is nothing new. Damn near everyone wishes they were 'loved' during a divorce, they their ex to some degree, they have second thoughts. Even when they KNOW the best thing is to end it. You have to get your emotions under control and start acting like an adult and mother. Cut this new relationshit off, I know it hurt and you care for the guy he's the shoulder to cry on, support you during these hard challenges..yada yada yada. You have to learn how to be strong all on your own FIRST, it's job one. THEN you won't be so eager to be with someone knew you didn't FIND yourself in a new relationship. Oh hell no, you wanted it, you acted on that wish and got what you asked for. What you're finding out is that it was a mistake shitty timing. So you deal with it. Tell you what, don't take my word for it..head down to Borders or other book store, go online, do some research on dealing with divorce and healing from it. what the experts who get paid say. This new guy has been a bandaid and it soothes but you need to take care of yourself. You won't truly do that pouring the energy into someone new. And don't try and pull some shit like oh but YOU just don't know no babe, you're not that special, which is actually a good thing. You're not more fucked up than other people, you're AS fucked up as everyone going through this kind of shit. Sooner you accept it the sooner you'll start actually doing the things that lead to recovery. don't look for the easy way out ain't there and don't confuse acceptance with 'easy'. It's gonna be hard, its supposed to be. Now get moving and don't introduce you to a new when the ink ain't even final on the last marriage damn. lonely milfs Paducah
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