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So here's the deal: I'm a top and I've been in this multi-year relationship with a guy I, and the fact that he's not into bottoming (or topping, for that matter) has always been less than ideal, but everything is so perfect I've just been overlooking that. He'd sort of reluctantly given permission to top other guys as as it was only ever just sex, and I didn't take him up on it for the first years. But then we were apart for several weeks and I was really horny and I decided to take advantage. I found a guy who was from out of town and so I thought it was perfect, no of anything more, just sex staying within the rules, just be a one-time thing. Topping was SOOO nice after such a time, it was really, really great and I realized how much I missed it. But I figured I was otherwise happy and the non-topping sex my partner and I have is good and fun and but not topping. Then the hookup guy contacted me the next time he was in town, so apparently he had a good time, too. And I couldn't resist. And he comes to Chicago at least once a month, so I've been seeing him fairly often, and my partner travels a lot so he's even stayed with me once. So now the hookup guy asked if I wanted to him more often, if I'd like to date. And the thing is, he's a great guy, potentially ideal in a lot of ways. But I still my partner and if it wasn't for the sex stuff, we'd be perfect together. Fucking hell, why does sex have to be so great and so troublesome? Anyway, any advice would be welcome. beautiful lady in land GoynukFirst, in response to jrhlunch's original question: Yes, there are a lot of guys who get more turned on by getting the other guy off. Which brings me to jay_c_bird's question: Some guys have difficulty getting off during sex because they have to be stimulated in just a certain way. (It's probably the exact way they masturbate.) Some guys might make weird faces or noises when they get off and just don't want to do it around someone. But just because a guy doesn't get off or even get hard doesn't mean he's not into it. Some guys can be really turned on but won't (or maybe can't) do anything until they're alone thinking about it. The fact that he got hard when you two first got together might have to do with the aspect of it being new which is a real turn on for some guys. (For other guys newness might actually cause a lot of anxiety.) But maybe it really has something to do with the relationship. If you like the guy you should definitely discuss it. If he's happy but just can't get off with someone around find out what's going to be a turn on for him when he's thinking about you later. But ultimately if your sex life isn't satisfying for you you're going to need to address that. naughty sex
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