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I am in my early 40's and in the best shape of my life. I posted previously in another forum a while back where I was flirting with the idea of approaching a stranger that frequents my gym. That was about 2 months ago and still I practiy dream about her every night and I her from afar every other day. But during the course in trying to understand this nonsense crush I have, the other day it REALLY hit me for the very first time . I suddenly looked at my wife and thought she was attractive then thought to myself "if my wife was a stranger at the gym shooting glances at me, I would develop a crush and think about her all the time". Generally speaking, our relationship (trust, comfort, etc) is solid and we never bicker or argue (really, we get along well and enjoy each others company) but the kicker is . we have ZERO passion. She loves me but she doesn't run up and hug and kiss me when she sees me. When we go to bed she'll roll over and go to sleep without saying anything as if we were roommates. These are just some examples to give you the idea. I on the other hand, am the romantic type, always holding the door open, telling her how beautiful she is, showing her constant affection. Even though she likes the way I treat her, I figured out that if I refrain from showing affection, she'll never make such gestures to me. She's not doing anything on purpose, I just have come to realize these are her natural ways. She doesn't make me feel good inside about myself even though I know she approves of me being her husband. I am not blaming her or mad at her for any of this. But it is concerning to me that I don't feel like she's connecting with me spiritually and sexually. I know if I say anything to her, she try to change but its only because I say something (we've had these types of conversations before). I don't want to change her but it almost feels like I am living FOR her, not living WITH her. Am I being an asshole for wanting to have my ego stroked by the opposite sex? Do I cut away and deal with the separation drama and hurt her, just because I'm horny? Thanks for listening and for any advise or feedback. Lonely, misunderstood and horny but otherwise happily married (LOL) sex flirt WarrnamboolActually, while a large part of this is probably hormonal, some of it IS in your head. There's a lot of different layers to a sexual experience, especially for women. One is the thought, "hmm, that feels good," followed by layers of increasing and finally the actual act itself. When you say you "lack the -", does that mean that you have no interest in even starting up a sexual encounter, or that you are having trouble reaching orgasm? Is the menopausal issues causing changes in your body (dryness, etc.) that are perhaps making sex less comfortable? Sometimes, though, the comes when you "fake it" I don't mean faking orgasms, etc., but just making the effort to engage, even though it not be a priority, might help the spark come later, in a different way, but there be a spark, especially if you are with someone you and trust. You be programmed to expect a particular series of arousal signs, and it be time to learn some new ones. A glass of wine to relax help. Also, look to your physical health if you are out of shape, not getting enough sleep, stressed at work, stressed with, etc., all of these can be contributing factors. Women don't give themselves enough slack in this department, and tend to think things are "their fault", but often, it's just real life making itself felt. Start with a doctor, but take a hard look at how you are treating yourself overall. Good luck and it get better. swingers meet
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