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My GF and I have been together for almost 3 years now. She pushed for us to move in together, which I eventually went for because we were together all the time. She also really wanted to get engaged. It took me over a year to get completely comfortable with the idea but I finally did and planned on proposing this christmas. That is until she wrote me a note and essentially told me that she does not want to live together next year, she does not want to get engaged anytime, and gave me a laundry list of things I need to improve on if I want a ltr with her. I agree with a lot of the things she wants me to improve on, they are really in my best interest and it's nothing petty. She also wants me to a therapist because a lot of my problems stem from anxiety and my severe pessimism. But since the note, about 3 weeks ago, I can't help but be angry with her. I'm not sure if I'm angry with her or with myself, or if I'm trying to improve myself for me or for her. Or maybe I'm just reeling from having a future I was sure of just yanked out from under my feet. Sorry for the post, if anyone even read to this point, thank you. I just needed to throw this out there, even if no one hears it. barn fuck and suckAfter I loaded my burden here, I actually felt better because for the first time in my life I realized one of my flaws. Nobody knows I can be sad. And now knowing others really care. Because of my personality, the mask that I built, no one expects me to be sad or feel down but expects me to be strong, excited, animated and the life of the party! I am afraid, now, all of sudden, to say to people, I am sad or feeling down. It would be much easier to say or show this to one person that I could "trust" which I do not have now. If I say I am sad to my family, they not understand because they usually think I am angry which is most likely my mask for my sadness. If I say I am sad to my friends, they not really understand too because they never saw me sad they think I am not being serious. The short therapy I had in in the past, none of them ed on my mask. They actually reinforced my external self I am laughing, smiling, that I am happy but just feeling lonely One of the reasons, I got the dog was to treat some of my existential problems. I was told I was not sad but bored and had no responsibilities. When people say deal with issues, I have hard time understanding that. I think my issue is when I am sad I do not share it with people. It stem from lack of trust or being afraid of being accepted. I think no one would want a sad person so I share my happy side and then I forgot my sad side. I am more sad alone than when I am dating. If I go lower than the trust and not being accepted issue, I hit a block. Not sure what to do beyond that. Why don't I trust people or afraid to be accepted? Interestingly enough, I make friends fast and deep and trust them. Deep enough to share everything. I listened to people's sad stories. People sharing their sad stories with me. and I listening and helping others with understanding where their pain is coming from. married ladies wants for men
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