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First I want to say that this topic turned out better than I had hoped. It kind of steered in a different direction than I was wanting but was very entertaining and I found it very helpful. I have a new found respect for this forum and the people that post in it. Even you, QuQ. SF_Pervect_Man; thanx for the advice. Tips like that were just what I was looking for. With that said, I would like to add some details to my "story" because some posts have made bold assumptions based on the little info I had given. No where did I say I was afraid or terrified about any consequences of being out. I only mentioned that actively seeking a romantic interest while deployed is frowned upon. For gays and straights. We are here in this shit-hole country to do a job; like it or not, we do our job and do it well. A romantic, or otherwise, connection can be a distraction to what we do. But, we are human and it is difficult to suppress those emotions and desires. Speaking of those consequences. It is true that DADT is gone and in "theory" there are no repercussions for being out; it is still a sensitive subject with the military and is something that should be dealt with carefully. Its easy to be on the outside looking in and say, "Dont be a bitch, just come out and (blah-blah-blah) " Maybe for some people it is/was that easy. But not for everyone. I work with some of the finest and most professional soldiers I have ever known and, honestly, I dont think it would be a bad thing if they knew. I CHOOSE not to let it be known because I dont want it to be a distraction or even a topic of discussion right now. As for me being a grown and not having the courage to get a date with another. That is a bold assumption. Just like most people in a normal society, it can be difficult to meet people that you have a real connection with. That is why internet dating and dating advice columns are so popular. What is wrong with asking advice from another person? The hardest step for a lot of people is coming to the conclusion that you are. The next hardest step is getting out there with it. Its not as easy as just "growing a pair of balls." Lastly I would like to say; for a group of people that try so hard to be accepted, some of you sure are hostile to someone whos beliefs differ from your own. Bellingen adult ads
I run a parent support program for a very at risk population. I deal with a lot of these issues, including issues around incarceration. First, I would NOT bring him to dad in jail. A going through this much needs routine and stability more than anything. Not spanking, not lengthy extreme punishment, not leaping from sport to sport. R-O-U-T-I-N-E. He need to know what to expect, and this takes time and a heck of a lot of from you. For most, it takes at LEAST 10x of repeating a behavior until it's internalized (and if you slip up, it's like you are starting from scratch), but for a with ADHD and ODD, it's going to take more. Jumping from thing to thing only teaches him that if he causes enough grief, you'll give up that strategy, ensuring that he'll do it again. I would highly recommend the video 1-2-3 Magic. Even if you don't go with that particular strategy (though I've seen it work wonders for some tough -) it has some great parenting tips. When I extreme behavior cases, there are a few area we always look at positive reinforcement (there should be at LEAST 4 to 1 positive to negative communication), routine, diet and exercise. You wouldn't BELIEVE how much behavior issues are tied to diet and exercise. If he isn't getting at least and hour a day of sweaty, breathing hard play, while eating a good diet and cutting out sugar, it be nearly impossible to make any additional headway. But the most important factor here is you. YOU need to feel stable and calm and in control and that sounds really difficult while trying to raise a with special needs on your own. I you seek out support join a parenting support group, get a good counselor, a parenting hotline, make some time for yourself. You need to take care of yourself to best take care of him. blondes are the best take a lookit's as simple as that. I know people push the whole forgive and forget, form a relationship stuff . but for me, that doesn't and didn't work. No contact worked best for me. The important thing is for you to recognize that they are not well, and at the very least are not good to have in your life when they are not supportive of you. That's okay. It doesn't have to be forever, but you can make that choice later. You do need to find a way to make peace with it. If that means telling people about it in a support group, then do that. I found that the more I talk about it, the less it hurts me. Pretending stuff didn't happen nearly destroyed me. What happened to you matters, and you matter. Keep trying. love and relationship
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