Rambling A over a year ago, I passed up the chance of having the one person I always wanted, because I wanted my freedom. I wanted just myself again, afer years of trying to love someone else, who was determined to erase my existence I guess we could say. I said mean, heartless things that I regret.I was drowning in mid air trying to the reality of everything happening around me, that I hurt the one person I never wanted to hurt. I think back to those conversations a lot of times I just want to cry, how could I let someone break me down so badly, that all I could say to the one person I actually loved was harsh, shattering words? How in the world did I let things get so out of control, that I couldnt even control myself? Then the hundreds of memories of the love I so wanted flashes through, its just.. a hurricane of mixed emotions.. Then I block everything out, its too overwhelming for me to deal with. Tears are not something I wish to shed. I couldnt apologize even though I want to, nothing I could say or do, could erase what I said and did. Time doesnt rewind, there are no do overs. All that because at the time, I wanted myself and my freedom. Well I got my freedom and myself. Turns out I've too much freedom these days. Most nights I lay awake with a thousand memories, words, or just random thoughts rambling through my mind, to fall asleep and dream of the love I once upon a time knew. I guess the upside is I dont dream every night, well not that i always re, but these days its that I sleep. Its crazy to me, that I gave up the chance because I wasnt exactly sure if what I believed I wanted was what I wanted or thoughts of someone else. Makes no sense im sure. But now that I've had this year to myself, the freedom of doing whatever I please, no one hounding me, or trying to change who I am, Ive realized a lot of things. Like that I always changed what I said I wanted in a guy over the years.. example "I don't like little guys I like bigger guys". Only I wasnt cl Array horny black dwell hi! how You? im not looking for a relationship, but please keep reading im not lonely, im not longing for anything, or anyone, im just happy being me. i love me. i live in cottonwood, and used to be kinda shy, but now im warming up to talking to people. though, i must say, you wont get to know me unless you just go and randomly ask for my number, or ask to hang out sometimes, be bold XD you may have seen me around, i have green eyes and brown hair, the rest im not saying, haha. im not looking for love, but if it happens.. Who knows!?!? haha! i would love to get to know more people, but i get busy a lot. i guess this is just a letter to people in cottonwood (ages 18-23), if you want to get to know me, you'll have to ask. so even weirder, please dont reply, cause i strongly believe in not meeting anyone online, its like a mask people use as confidence. in my opinion anyway haha! im not looking for men or women specifiy, just someone around my age. youre probably really frustrated by now anyway XD so if you think that you see me, dont mention this ad please, i'd like to forget about it i wear those earrings a lot, the ones in the. my name starts with T. i know, most likely the weirdest ad on XD but who wants to be normal? well, i'll give this a random shot, and hope i dont get any creepers! O.o local slut in Steger Illinois IL free online dating
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