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I dated someone awhile back who was incredibly turned on by being choked and slapped in the face, and having her hair pulled. I later learned that she was previously beaten by a boyfriend when she tried to leave him he slapped her, dragged her around the room by the hair and, she said, strangled her with the intent to kill her. (Sorry if this is unpleasant, but there a point coming ) (And obviously, she escaped with her life, and fled that f*cker in San, making it up here to SF.) So I wondered why in the world she would want to incorporate those things into sex play? Well, pardon the amateur psycholoanlysis ('I'm not a shrink, but I play one on TV '), but my theory is that she took something terrifying, life-threatening, and processed it by sublimating it into an arousing sexual experience with someone she trusted, in a safe consensual setting. So in fact, this is a broader question about corporal punishment in general for instance, the way it was posed below by whoever said it's more exciting to have spanking (or whatever) administered as 'correction' for specific 'infractions' (with which I whole-heartedly agreee, btw :-). I wonder whether the masochists and subs among us (and I've been on that side in the past) crave punishment and other forms of correction becuase in essence we are seeking either to expiaste some real, deeply-seated guilt, or to process with sexual release some specific frightening or unpleasant event to whatever degree we are or aren't consciously aware of it. So I guess, put another way, if you were hurt or embarassed in the past and it was NOT YOUR FAULT you can 'own' it and take back control over it by processing iit with a lover under negotiated conditions. Get it? So in that light, maybe the question is, does the sub's for punishment, correction, etc., stem from something bad done to her/him, which was out of her/his control, and and a need to possess it take it back, in a sense by reprocessing it in a setting in which she/he is surrendering control? And if so, isn't that a fascinating paradox? :-) ~Z. looking for a mitresIt is not important whether you are right or some of the others are right about her feelings and intent. The only way that can be resolved is to get inside her head. The red is the lack of communication that seems to exist between the two of you in an almost year LTR. You can say what you like to me but you can not deny the facts. One of the foundations of a strong relationship is communications. Even if you two get back together, if this is not resolved this just happen again and again until resentment sets which most couples never recover from -stories become exaggerated. I am not pointing to blame because there is none to give. The communication problem stem with her or you or the both of you by the way you handle stressful situations. Some close up some run away and other become verbally or more none of them any good because of misunderstandings run rampant. Even if you believe you both have a great communications (fooling yourselves!), one of the only reasons someone not be talking is that they are considering opting out of the relationship it says there are problems in your relationship that can not be changed without communications. Your talking about change tells me that is a point of contention here. Not saying you are the problem or not the problem or that her expectations be unrealistic .but these are areas that need to be discussed and agreements must be followed with an accountability set up. If you two can not abide by this without resentment of unfairness then you two have a. If these feelings do come up you two must have a way to communicate this without hurt feelings being developed. There is so much more to this that some serious reading is ed for. You both have to have the trust (another foundation) to feel you can say anything to your partner without fear. What others think when they think of trust is not the trust I am speaking of. Active listening is also lacking, the other side of the coin of communication! adults dating
adult fuck Oklahoma and it makes me worry that they'll come up with a that "fixes" queer people. I don't want to be drugged into being attracted to someone I wouldn't be naturally, just because that's the box I'm supposed to fit into. I like the box I have just fine, thank you very much. It's worrisome to me because people go through this "what's wrong with me" period and it would be horrible for a doc to say "yes, there is something wrong with you. Here, take this pill; it'll make you normal." Worse yet, I can it developing into a medication women can take while pregnant to prevent their from becoming. I read this book: The meadowlark sings Although I found a lot of it unbelievable (I much agree with the review) it brings up this disturbing question of what would happen if suddenly we could manipulate people chemiy to make them hetero. Eliminate all these shades of gray. I wonder how right-wingers who are anti-stem cell, anti-cloning, anti-abortion wouldn't have a problem "playing god" by wiping out queers. horny housewife Bearden Arkansas
Tybee Island naked girls it's preposterous and myopic to imagine it was the most devastating global event of the decade. Totally agree the media's annual week /month observations stem from and encourage a Copernican view of the US and further agree that kind of view is what sparked such hatred in the first place. But it's an event most of us shared. Plus, the top post was from a NYer to me, that was significant. I can't fault those who witnessed it, lived with the stench of seared bodies, and/or lost a loved one for wanting a little catharsis today or any other day. Unfortunately, it was a turning point we're still living with. A turn that led to greater division and demagogy crippling divisions, hate speech, an erosion of rights, protections, and concern for humanity that affects us, our, AND much of the world. The thread was an invitation to discuss that. I strongly believe it's worth discussing and TRYING to attention to the fact that navel-gazing doesn't have to be the only response, that we can and should go deeper than waving and get the ship back on course. And I don't much care which forum it's done on. I just want it done. You, yourself, link to all the lives destroyed by our senselessly destructive response. professional seeking bbw anyone up for drinks and conversation tonight
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