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but even after a year and a half, you are everywhere. in the sad love songs i hear, in the happy couples that pass by my porch, in my teenage memories.
i hope you are blissfully happy with her-that would be so great. but no matter how rational and logical i am, i find myself imagining that you might be waiting for me, the way you said you would.
i'm not posting this for you to read or respond to. i hope i'm not the type to post these annoying, overly dramatic missed connections on CL (i.e. this seems somehow desperate), and i have no expectations but there's this odd sense of peace in making these feelings public. even if you never read it. especially if you never read it.
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How do I stay in the moment? This is difficult for me. But I am not sure that I am thinking of "in the moment" the same way you are, lol. I have trouble turning off my so that I can truly be in the present. I am not sure how I stay aware and alert it seems to be my default status, lol. Avoiding going past my own limits? I dunno, I err on the side of caution, I suppose is the only way to explain it. I have always been a cautious person when it comes to stuff like that. I am not impulsive. Well actually, part of me is. (Let assign that to my little self). The other part of me knew that would cause trouble and overcompensated in the form of being risk averse and a bit rigid. (Ok maybe a lot!). What keeps me from giving in completely, to subspace? Nothing. I have no and no reason to hold back on that. Why would I want to?? looking for fuck buddy Massachusetts
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