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just to add something to the mix here. :) While reading your posts, (which are always so articulate and thoughtful, by the way) what came across first to me is you are a THINKER. So, maybe the key to developing those social relationships that would allow for you to be friends first would be ACTION sorts of things while expanding your circle. Let me explain. It was easier for me, as someone that lived in my head A LOT, to maintain a friendship with someone I was attracted to by getting involved in something physical not just social/chatting stuff. Much to my husband's chagrin, who happens to be an amazing cook, I never took that cooking class but that could be one if you wanted to keep things light. Martial arts is another one my girlfriends would always scoff until I convinced them to come down to the studio I trained at for years and they met fantastic guys from all walks of life and just TRY looking all sexy and cool with sweat beads pouring down your forehead. :) That actually helped my perpetually-with-the-wrong-guys girlfriend make lots of guy friends one of whom, a dentist, introduced her to the guy for her. Fantastic story, really. In a nutshell, she was sweet, smart, cute as a button but really jaded when it came to guys and just having a dojo with "brothers" (who were protective and full of friends/advice) was a particularly healing experience for her. She ended up marrying the guy and now they both train at that studio. Super cute. If something more cerebral and cause oriented is your idea of action, I did get involved in humanitarian causes that were dear to my heart and that has a way of engendering friendship while still keeping focus on something besides romance. One in particular, a shelter for teenage runaways, was where I found a friend that I eventually dated for a year or so. Great guy. We weren't right for each other term but we are still friends today. There's my.02. you find that friends first situation. They are INFINITELY better. Should the relationship end, it generally ends on a MUCH more positive note. Oh! And the sex is better too well YMMV. :) black male for a spanish womanIt takes a really strong person to work through a relationship where one person has experienced such trauma. In my experience, I had to learn the hard way that not everyone is understanding or even wants to know that rape exists. For example, after I was raped my grandmother disowned me. I was 17. To this day, we never ever talk about it. She personally could not cope with being around me, knowing what was done to me. Couldn't do it. I had one conversation with my ex about it, explaining that I was still dealing with it, and any time I would feel the need to talk, he would say that he would rather not talk about it. I struggled early on in that relationship with body memories, depression, and PTSD. Once I stopped pretending like everything was fine and that it didn't matter, I began to heal. I sought help and really worked on myself. My husband had what is probably the best response I've ever had in my life "I'm so sorry that happened to you, I can't imagine what that was like. Just tell me what I can do to help." Something so simple made the weight of it all just slide away. So, I now know that I can only that people are understanding, I simply can't expect it. It takes an incredibly strong person to heal from the trauma, and strong people to provide support for that person as well. It can take years for a person to recover, sometimes a lifetime. That's a hard path to ask anyone to travel with you, and it's important to recognize that not everyone can come back from the pain. I think that you were a really good person for wanting to understand and try to work things out with your ex. That's speaks a great deal about your character. The OP has very skewed perceptions and needs to seriously consider getting professional help. private sex
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