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fall under this forum? I've received the best advice from LTR. I cannot depend on my wife. Prone to binge drink and sulk in depression, she refuses help herself. I am an emotional wreck, but know it’s better to end it ASAP. Help has been offered to her (professional counseling, recovery programs, and my support), she won’t take it. She suffers from an addiction to dysfunctional chaotic mayhem. DRAMA. Call me naive, but I didn’t know this type of person existed. The marriage is over but I my wife! She’s no longer living at home and most of her stuff is out. Am I just lonely, stupid for not cheering, or what? Everything is happening so fast. I am forced to make drastic life changes, like meeting with an attorney and prepare for divorce. Another drastic thing I am doing is hiring a live-in caretaker for the property, barn, and horses (have guest house). My work load and mainly mental state are not allowing me to keep up. It was my wife’s responsibility (no, she does not have a job; she was a housewife and did it well WHEN she did it). Today I interviewed my second decent candidate. The first being a nice couple (- females) who willingly want to help in exchange for rent. They are temporary and must leave in the. The other candidate is a single female (hippie) that is on a “life journey”. She is willing to work and loves the idea. That’s all after weeding through tons of crazies. With no luck I have tried to find someone that can just come and go in exchange for boarding a horse here. Now I’m trying to follow through with committing to the couple or the hippie. My main question to my LTR friends: What are the emotional pitfalls of doing or not doing this while I’m in this lonely confused state of mind? Logic says that this is a smart move that won’t cost me anything. It’s strictly business, but feels like I’m “hiring a new wife”. Is this because I’ve been in a relationship that was not? Basiy my wife was only an intimate caretaker? Has anyone ever felt horrible for still being attached to someone who hurt you so bad? I feel used in ways and don’t want to take on another dependent either. I think I answered myself. My relationship sucked and I’m not letting go for God know what reason. To me, marriage meant forever. Please share your thoughts. Ashland man in search of an interracial encounter
Almost 3 years now. I am still processing everything that happened between us. It was toxic at the end, though. I got really lucky with my current gf. She listens to me talk about it when I need to, which isn't often, but still I don't consider it a rebound relationship because we were both genuinely attracted to each other, and I wasn't using her to get over my ex. I definitely think it eased some of the transitions. I did not feel lonely all of the time. But we did only each other once a week for several months before making a bigger committment. You said you know what went wrong, and you spent the last year dividing your stuff, so obviously you had some problems. My relationship wasn't 10 years, but I would imagine after that, there would be a lot to think and talk about. It might help you to talk to a therapist. That way, it would either point to things you need to deal with that you hadn't thought about, or it might confirm that you are as ready to move on as you think you are. anyone out there who is done with sex chatingJust in horrible, painful wrapping paper. Losing your first, that first real heartbreak, is crushing. I've been there. It feels like your soul is being ripped out of your chest. I'm glad that she has a caring, supportive friend to help her through. She's going to need you. She's going to feel down for a while, but she can't stay there. Be careful on your end not to talk to much crap about the ex, there were real feelings there, and if you talk bad about him she'll 1. feel like she has to defend him or 2. think 'wow, I wasn't even good enough for this creep'. Neither are good. So, you need to give her time to eat hagen daz while watching chick flicks in her sweats for a week or two. And then you need to help her reinvest in herself. Hit the gym, get the break up hair cut, go shopping, go dancing, go try things she never would if she were partnered. Have you ever heard the expression 'break up hot'? It's when you channel that anger and hurt into building yourself up, both physiy and mentally. She should take a class and work her (always feels great!), try a new style, invest in her NEW self. I can sympathize. I was with my first for 4 years, and he was a childhood friend for a lot longer. He had issues, but he really was my first, my first everything. When we broke up, it nearly broke me. But looking back, it was one of the best things that ever happened to me. I threw myself into school, friends, hobbies, lost 15 lbs, etc. That next year was hard and lonely, but I gained a sense of myself I'd NEVER had before. I ended up stronger, happier, more self assured. Once I got to a place were I was happy really, truly 'don't need a -' happy, guess what happened? Yup, the REAL of my life showed up just like that. He adored this feisty, independent I'd turned into. I felt like he loved who I was from deep down, and not who I grew into to please him like my first. 15 years later, he still loves all that stuff. And first? Divorced, addicted, in and out of jail, and still full of regret. He really did me a favor. woman wants for a man
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