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A rape *fantasy* is a whole nother ball of wax. It is not a rape. It plays right at the edge of safety, I think. That she could let him get this close, be this, be this forceful, and still at the end still be safe (and for, still loved and cared for and protected). Like sky diving. REALLY falling out of an airplane is fatal. Sky diving is way to get the same rush without dying. Wrestling and boxing aren't actual fights to the death. And so on. Women get a lot of "Good girls don't" as we're growing up. A "nice" woman doesn't want sex, or at least, doesn't want it with anyone except her husband, after marriage, and then mostly just to have. even those of us who had no religious upbringing and whose parents never said anything like that the message is still "out there." So I think a lot of women do feel some degree of "I want this, but I shouldn't." One way to get beyond that "shouldn't" is to be coerced. Then you do it, but it's not your fault because you didn't choose it. looking for ladies 30 or older to playit's a valid reason for divorce. Do you remember that shit you said when you got married? Now I know they had the line..sickness health, richer/poorer..DEATH till you part. People to quote those..but there was some sort of line that goes honor and too or at least I don't remember it saying 'treat like dogshit'. That my friend was one of those 'promises' and there's nothing in your's that said suffer at the hands of or any other commitment you made that gets to trump your well being. It's NOT but its toxic and you don't need to put up with it. However, you do need to pull your head out of your ass and start making sure you can take care of business for yourself. No one is going to make this better for you..you'll have to do that one on your own. You're going to have to take control of your own situation, your own condition and you need to do it ASAP. the hell up. This isn't going to be easy, it's going to be HARD, really hard. So prepare. You have a computer, you have the ability to read, start the e process about family law in AZ. It's ed the revised statutes, read them, again and again until you understand as much as you can. Write your questions down but start to learn your rights. If you look at your opening paragraph you've seen that talking isn't the answer it's the BEGINNING of a process and action is the name of the game..you are seeing the results of only applying talk to a problem. You'll get just about the same fucking result if you don't take action here. Start taking ACTION..start NOW and prioritize Job, laws, lawyer if absolutely necessary and prepare for. You not have to fight one but I have a feeling based upon what you have written she'll take you down given the. Protect yourself. Up to you dating black women
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