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Fetishes are specific and important to those who hold them, so of course it can turn into a hot button topic. Even worse, generally when someone has a real knowledge of something and speaks directly and with passion about it it sometimes threatens people around them (that's just the way it is, unfortunately) makes them feel "punished" when no negative intent is involved. Sometimes I get really passionate about submission, and get irked when submission or subs get misrepresented either by those of the ilk or by those who are ignorant but never have I addressed it with the intent to punish that's like totally righteous dude, and not in the good way. It defeat me before I'm started over time. Its taken me some effort (I think) to even change what D/s looks like to my partner who had done a ton of kinky shit but had always felt not in tune with D/s and probably at times was turned off by it. Without definitions in some areas, none of us would feel passionate about stuff. It's *our* kink community, *our* D/s, *our* bdsm in general, and we need our definitions because it gives us a way to communicate why we do what we do. I don't want to just be lumped in as kinky I need to define D/s as well. without a def .this would all be lumped together as just 'stuff we like' we'd all be homogeneous, yuck with no definitions and that's not natural. Not every dominant wants to be lumped in with tops etc So especially here with the one person I know who has a serious fetish his intent never be to punish ignorance because then he'll never be able to stand up for what he feels is a very defined thing. Nobody would ever listen. And how do you describe a feeling? A fetish evokes a specific sort of feeling and reaction for those that hold it. Yes, the def vary depending on who you ask but I believe there is one answer to this and that is that it is a very defined and rigid set of conditions that cause a thing to be a fetish for someone. I feel the word "fantasize" should replace "fetish" in 99% of fetish conversations. horny wives of New yorkbut ultimately, with self-acceptance (and some time) comes confidence. the confidence to be able to 'shrug off' what that 'majority' thinks. you'll also find that more are accepting than you'd ever imagine. i still feel like you do when i first meet (straight) people, like they'll be weird about it. i've seen time and time again that so are not. i've never told anyone who's had a 'bad' reaction. the most annoying to me, is when i tell someone and they're like, "that's cool *i'm not,* but it's cool if you are " mostly because it makes me feel like they're worried that i think they might be. what shows me that someone is confident in themselves and our friendship is when they don't need to disclaim that they aren't. the friend of mine that i fell for is nowhere near 'adonis' either. it's not that odd. ;) you like the guy. he disarms your insecurities. you likely have something very similar to a relationship minus the sex. in my own experience though, any straight guy can have that kind of friendship. they make about 'bromances.' (that word annoys the hell out of me. haha!) but like i said, find at least one friend not even for anything, just bein a friend. it lets you talk and trust someone about things you feel you have to keep to yourself. it makes you happier with who YOU are. it help you realize that while your frienship with him is a great thing it isn't the 'only' thing. and i do suggest telling him that you're into guys. for one, if by some longshot he's into you but to to say it (kinda where you're at ;) it give him that opening. if he doesn't, it at least help you start to separate your feelings from your frienship. black people meet
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