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When I was 15 I started dating a fellow who was 18. We were together for almost 5 years. We find really interesting ways of creating security for ourselves. Emotional security can be in the form of keeping ourselves away from the things that scare us sometimes we get creative doing this. For the first year or so after I came out to myself, I was crushing on one of my bi friends. She was not interested in me romantiy, but I kept on crushing. When I finally got involved with someone (and that didn't work out) I realized that my intense term crush was really about keeping me out of the dating pool, because I wasn't ready to date even though I knew I was queer. So I didn't give myself the option, I focused on this woman I couldn't have. a LOT of " dykes" fall in with straight women same thing. the woman is unattainable, and therefore a safe place to put their feelings. So with that in mind I understood my high school relationship with W. He went off to military school and I remained in high school, so our relationship was distance most of the time. It was intense and emotional and a really great way to distract myself from myself and from my bi friends, who were available and much all sleeping together which the hell out of me. I spend a lot the first 25 years of my life being. So there I was, intimidated by the possibilities, so I created this safe situation by taking myself off the market and bearing this torch for a guy who loved me, but lived his life in a manner that put me as a lower priority. I was wondering if any of that struck a chord with you. comic book nerd looking for friends
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