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First I want to say that this topic turned out better than I had hoped. It kind of steered in a different direction than I was wanting but was very entertaining and I found it very helpful. I have a new found respect for this forum and the people that post in it. Even you, QuQ. SF_Pervect_Man; thanx for the advice. Tips like that were just what I was looking for. With that said, I would like to add some details to my "story" because some posts have made bold assumptions based on the little info I had given. No where did I say I was afraid or terrified about any consequences of being out. I only mentioned that actively seeking a romantic interest while deployed is frowned upon. For gays and straights. We are here in this shit-hole country to do a job; like it or not, we do our job and do it well. A romantic, or otherwise, connection can be a distraction to what we do. But, we are human and it is difficult to suppress those emotions and desires. Speaking of those consequences. It is true that DADT is gone and in "theory" there are no repercussions for being out; it is still a sensitive subject with the military and is something that should be dealt with carefully. Its easy to be on the outside looking in and say, "Dont be a bitch, just come out and (blah-blah-blah) " Maybe for some people it is/was that easy. But not for everyone. I work with some of the finest and most professional soldiers I have ever known and, honestly, I dont think it would be a bad thing if they knew. I CHOOSE not to let it be known because I dont want it to be a distraction or even a topic of discussion right now. As for me being a grown and not having the courage to get a date with another. That is a bold assumption. Just like most people in a normal society, it can be difficult to meet people that you have a real connection with. That is why internet dating and dating advice columns are so popular. What is wrong with asking advice from another person? The hardest step for a lot of people is coming to the conclusion that you are. The next hardest step is getting out there with it. Its not as easy as just "growing a pair of balls." Lastly I would like to say; for a group of people that try so hard to be accepted, some of you sure are hostile to someone whos beliefs differ from your own. couple of jumpy shoppersno, you've misunderstood or i misspoke he suggested the dinner, when the check came i said sweetly are you treating, since were celebrating my last day of class? he said: "No", melted down and dumped me as as we were no longer in public. so, it was not that i offered to pay. it was that my suggestion that HE might pay, made him feel like i was telling him he wasn't doing right by me, like i was complaining about his effort and pressuring him to do something he didn't feel like doing. so then i got the (upteenth) boot, promptly. well played re: "manly" yes, he gets brutish and goes into the cave, i couldn't have put it better myself. a full rmation of facial features and tone of voice and something like: "I'm DONE with this conversation!" which makes me feel about..2 years old. ive been only with him for almost years so its hard to remember any other kind of, i was just at dinner a large group of friends who ALL said they had seen their men cry. i was shocked. this guy has never shed a single tear in front of me. in all these years. i, on the other hand am emotional which he had said he "loves" about me. however, in the heat of the moment, i think it makes him uncomfortable. like he has to "fix it" (my tears) and he panics. last there was a moment where he lost his composure and snapped "Stop crying!" for some reason that memory ranks high on the bad ones. im making him sound like an abusive father i think another issue is, i dont open up to people much, so its not often that i get an outside perspective on things i tend to deal with privately.. i appreciate everyone who has given me feedback. its a real relief to hear some opinions and not just the same confused voices in my head. dating a friend
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