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- people who have this discussion confabulate the extremely personal decision of whether or not to someone with the very public, very cerebral, highly academic argument for or against (usually against) marriage in general. And sure the arguments hold water, but I can't help but think that most of the time, maybe even all the time, people live in the public/cerebral/academic space so they don't have to have the uncomfortable conversation about commitment with their term partner or SO. Because check it out none of the arguments hold water. 1. Historical/political grounds don't really matter, because marriage has been everything from an institution of property to an arrangement of convenience to an arrangement made by family to a quick spontaneous trip to vegas to a life commitment made out of. Basiy, if you widen the history window large enough, you'll find a time in which marriage was much anything. So just because marriage was, at some point, something you wouldn't have done, doesn't really make it something you shouldn't do today, generally, if you have the right person. 2. Marriage doesn't make you stay, though. Marriage is simply a stated intention to stay. Divorce happens for a reason and that's because shit happens, things change. Does the presence of divorce diminish marriage? Not really. Lots of people don't get divorced and lots of divorces are for the best. 3. Well. Uh, duh. Of COURSE your partner's happiness and your happiness is important to you. You can be happily married, miserably single, and any point in between. There's no correlation between the two. So your arguments, while nice, really don't make sense as a justification to not get married. It really comes down to the personal, doesn't it? You don't want to that person for whatever reason. And that's okay. Just don't it something it's not a principled position. Personally, I like marriage. I like being able to introduce someone as my wife and have the person I'm talking to understand what that means: stated intended live partner, lover, mother to our, beneficiary, blah blah blah. Without that nice concise label of "spouse" I'd have to explain what she is to me to everyone I meet. And the term pair bonding arrangement is just too darn common not to have an institution for. looking for a sincere nice guyWe've had marriage problems for 2 years, and he's been blaming them all on me. His reasons didn't have any basis in reality. He was deeply in debt from a prior marriage that had ended a year before we met. I had an inheritance that greatly improved the quality of his life. After his retirement from the Navy after 30 years, I started to notice a difference in how he acted towards me, leading to him writing me a "dear 'heartbrokenwife" letter, blaming me for how unhappy he was with our marriage. None of his reasons were true, so for almost 3 weeks we talked about "my problems". Then on a he went to play golf and when he came home I noticed his golf towel was clean, something that had never happened in all the years I'd known him so I got really suspicious. After he went to bed I got on his laptop and he hadn't changed his password in the 10 years since I'd last used one of his computers and I found over with women AND men. I forwarded them all to my account, staying up all night to do it, and then deleted his entire mailbox. I tried to fix this marriage because I truly believed the in sickness and in health, for better or worst, for richer or poorer vows. I have been investigating with the help of friends and professionals, in order to protect my assets and investments in this house. But the most devastating blow came this week when we discoved he'd been on several bi/- hook up sites soliciting sex with men all over NE for over 6 years with aliases. He was careless online and didn't cover his tracks. finders quickly located him. I am done with him now, the therapists ALL think he's a magligent narsissist which can't be cured. I have a good expensive lawyer, considered one of the best in Jacksonville and he says I do very well in the divorce but I'm still worried cause you never know with a judge. We are not mediating even though we do have to attend a mediation. He has no negative actions on my part to use against me. I guess I just wonder if anyone has found themselves in this position and how did you handle it. Any recommendations. And for you people who feel better when you put someone down, keep in mind that I would have to have an iota of respect for you before anything you said mattered. men wants women
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