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It is what it is. You've confessed, you've apologized, you're doing the work necessary to figure out why you do the things you do, and to clarify what you want/need from a relationship. It's time to stop groveling. He's upset, and it's going to take more than a few sweet words and knocking yourself out being super-nice to him to make up for it. In the end, it not matter how sorry you are or how committed you are. You broke a basic trust, and some people just can't get past that. You can't change what happened. The only thing you have control over at this point is how you choose to behave in the future. Either he'll decide he wants to stay, or he'll choose to go. Frankly, if he's not going to counseling with (or without) you, that's a bit of a red. Stop begging for him to observe your upcoming anniversary. If you want to observe it, go ahead but do not make this a "make it or break it" line in the sand. You say you want "atta girls", some acknowledgement that you're trying. No, you don't. You want him to get over his disappointment and anger and appreciate all the work you're doing. Not gonna happen. You're going to have to be satisfied with your own efforts, and stop looking for outside validation. It's not going to be fun, and it's not going to be easy. Suck it up. (PS: I you're avoiding your sister through all of this.) looking for that older mature womanSorry to be lengthy, but I'd really appreciate it if you read this, as I need some advice. Okay, so I'm sure I wanna do it and I think I wanna come out via letter. Actually, I much already wrote the letter. I want to know what you guys think about the situation and if writing a letter would be write, so here's some vital info: Me: I'm 19, hometown is a Seattle suburb. I go to UW. Parents: Divorced last, mom is dating, dad is sleeping with random women. Mom is from strict Southern Baptist background but very open minded, does not attend church, teaches 6th grade, would support me no matter what but is impossible to talk to. She caught me with porn on my computer when I was like 13 and I told her someone had hacked my computer and was straight. Dad is not religious, but he used to make a lot of homophobic remarks. He might be realizing that I might be, as he has stopped for the most part and remarked to me about the people he has out with around other friends in BC. Makes a lot of money but travels a lot, seems more supportive since the divorce. Is my basis for financial well-being at the present, but fear things might change if he knew. Does not know about the porn incident. Both know I spend too much on not-so-straight clothes (I have Coach flip flops, expensive white jeans, and 2(x)ist/c-in2 underwear they've seen). Also, I have been best friends with girls my whole life and my current best friend they keep trying to get me to date (as does everyone -) since we have been inseparable for more than a year. This girl asked me out last and became the first person I ever came out to. I have been involved heavily in a youth ministry for a few years and my people-pleasing attitude hasn't allowed me to leave until very recently, and I think this has kept rumors of my sexuality away. SO, is this the right time? Is this the right way? Do you wanna read the letter? dating asian girls
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