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Well to clarify, our mismatched libidos are no longer mismatched, lol. I am thinking of the past here. We made a lot of drastic changes in our lives that lowered our stress levels, then I turned 40! However, I do/did it as my responsibility to find better ways to cope with stress to the extent it is/was possible. I am a high strung person to begin with, so I have to work around some basic personality quirks. It took me a time to understand that my way of dealing with stress was adding to his stress and really and truly hurting him. And vice versa, lol. So glad we worked through all that mess. But I also it as his responsibility to be supportive during times of high stress, rather than add to my load. Have to meet in the middle, and really try to help each other out, regardless of who is the higher libido partner. italian just wanting to please a Plant City ladyalways have had a problem with being assertive. During dating he found out he could push me and I wouldn't push back. I basiy married my dad. I was afraid of this, and I still am to an extent, for most of our ten year marriage. I was raised with little conflict and my DH was raised being able to argue with his parents. I didn't learn that is was safe to express my opinion, be angry or argue. My husband is kind of scary. He an introverted engineer and can argue circles around me and people. He's so sensitive and touchy that people learn quickly to walk on eggshells around him. I have become MUCH more assertive in the past year and surprisingly, he's backed off quite a bit. He still has the ability to manipulate me and tonight I apologized if I upset him and cringed that I did that. It was on the phone and I felt that old urge to get the connection back. How can this be fixed? I guess, like with the arguing, I have to stop the bulldozing in its tracks, simply refuse it. He seems to thrive in conflict, he even bring up extremely sensitive subjects right in the middle of sex! I simply refuse to even discuss it now or say we can stop and go talk about it outside of bed. So, I guess I am doing much of what I need to be doing, most of the time. It's hard for me because my nature is to be cooperative. I like and getting along. In order to be my own person in this marriage, I have to be willing to fight for my rights, defend myself, stand up to him and win the power struggles by refusing to bend to his. It's stressful. I imagine it's a lot like having a with oppositional defiance disorder. I am guessing that my husband bring the topic up when he's back home. On some level he knows about his issues but he defensively blames everything on others. So this be about me taking an opportunistic jab, not that he actually might have something he should take a look at. My plan is to simply say I realize that have not been the appropriate time to bring that up and not cave. date a hot teen
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