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If everything seems to be loaded in the negotiables or icing-on-the-cake circles, maybe you are not asking enough for yourself. This could be sending the message that you are wishy-washy and don't care enough about yourself. This itself would be the signal for a guy who just wants to have sex with you that he can get do that without too much resistance on your part. When you get your chart to the state where you think everything is what you want begin to think about the texture of your past involvements. Were there any patterns of behavior on either side that interfered with your relationships? For instance, if you had trouble expressing your needs, you need to work on assertiveness. If you found yourself blowing up in anger at various men (whether you feel they deserved it or not) because they did not fulfill your needs, you need to work on anger management or you need to work on developing a better intuition about the men you meet. If you found it hard to communicate at all any of what you were feeling whether anger, sadness, hurt then perhaps some intimacy classes or workshopa are in order. The idea here is to get help with any relationship skills that are lacking. Now, take a look at your parents' relationship and if any dynamic therein could be affecting the way you behave. It's amazing how much men can be like their fathers and women can be like their mothers. It's not always the case, but it is something to look at. Perhaps there were no real problems in your parents' relationships and you are really a very adult having had good role models. Perhaps your mother didn't teach you or wasn't able to teach you how to date. My mother never dated. At 20 she married the first who came along and she lucked out. They've been happily married over 60 years, which is wonderful, but the downside is I never got any dating advice from her. After my LTR (we met in college) broke up I was, for the first time, thrust into the real-time dating world and had no idea what I was doing. I made mistake after mistake, got hurt repeatedly until I started to figure out what worked for me. love is where the mind stops thinking
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