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horney grils East Lansing Michigan I make no excuse for spnynx's gender bias, as I've yet to any indication of it. Beware that eye roll, didn't your mother ever warn you they might get stuck that way? @@ So, forgiving her means giving her a free pass? She cheated must be taught a lesson? If he doesn't divorce her, she'll never learn? So, it's a public service? Well, anyone issuing a hard spanking should make damned sure their own hands are clean. He continually overrode her pleas for his time, giving himself a free pass to be for 1 year, starting 2 months after marriage, after 4 years of co-mingling families. Break that down by weeks, days, minutes/seconds; I'll leave the dramatics to a courtroom, or someone who loves math/has a calculator. Sphynx argued that his actions were tantamount to a bait switch. His DW repeatedly articulated her objections; he overrode her. It's as if changing her status from SO to spouse actually devalued her standing in his eyes. In frustration, she turned elsewhere, which was % wrong. But to be fair, he played a part in the harsh, but not unpredictable blow back. He didn't cause it, but he was a factor, and he owns this, as she owns her shit, which is a good start. He thought he had her tied down. She wasn't going anywhere. He could throw it in her face (and probably did) that he supported her in her dream, so she owed him. I say, that's apples oranges. Hers required far less time, she probably tended to the while doing it. It's hardly the same thing. Their top priority is to tend to the relationship, like 2 birds nurturing defending their nest, especially when little ones are nestled within. Marriage is no free pass. If anything, the stakes are even higher. Have they reached a point of no return? The OP's is that they can save this. You say they not only can't, but shouldn't. NOW who's showing a bias? I'm with the OP in hoping they can. Counselors follow THE CLIENT'S lead, not their own personal feelings/biases. Ignoring your SO. Bad. Ignoring your spouse. Worse. A wo/- is like a garden. Tend to it, it'll be more than happy to feed you. Ignore it, it'll get away from you. good looking guy looking for a date tonight
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He was 29 when you married him, you were 19, just entering adulthood. He left his mommma's house and molded you into his new momma. And you took the bait, hook, line, and sinker. He does the bare minimum to justify his existence. He "keeps an eye on the -" (when he's able to tear himself up from his video games now and then), while you manage all of the adult responsibilities, at work and at home, alone. You come home and do all the housework. You enable a dependent in a -'s body, and even worse, your are watching this piss-poor example set by both you and your husband. Your examples teach them that mothers do everything, and fathers are deadbeat users. If you don't break the pattern for yourself, do it for them. Now, if he managed homemaking like a SAHD who took the job seriously, that would be honorable. He's not even pretending to. You know it, he knows it, and sadly, the know it, too. What, did you fall asleep in the tanning bed or something? Forget that marriage is supposed to be a partnership? How can you say he's always been a freeloader, but you him? What's to? You've created a monster. He feels entitled to ride on your back and live off of your labors for the duration. He won't change his behavior until you change yours. You want real change? Set a deadline. Put him on notice. Either he gets a job in one month, and he remains employed, or he packs up his things (minus the video games) and moves in with his momma. You didn't sign up for that job, and you quit. He should understand that concept. He quit working a time ago. Or, you can go on with business as usual. how the lasts as your resentment grows. If you choose that option, cross your fingers, and the are smart enough to imprint on better examples of what, marriage, and parenting can be, and should be. Sorry to whack you upside the head, but you know these things already. It's only a question of whether you're ready to act on it. 08012 needs dick today
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