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don't you realize that YOU are making yourself miserable? You are stuck in the belief that in order for your life to be full you need another person to complete it. There's your flaw. The mere thought that what you did is wrong sends you into a pure defensive mode and you start to make excuses for some shitty behavior. His spouse is manipulative, tells you she's embarrassed about him, ect Excuses!! The fact is you are having trouble forgiving yourself and trusting that you can handle life with what's transpired. Well in order to do that you have to take FULL responsibility for your shit. That means owning it. This is your wake up , life isn't some fairytale. Poor choices heavy consequences, mistakes like that hurt people and the fallout you just have to deal with. The BEST you can do is not repeat the same mistakes and take responsibility for the ones you do make. You should seek some help, but be careful of a counselor who's validate things so you feel better that's not the goal. The goal is to accept your role, learn that you can control yourself AND your emotions so that you can move forward and hopefully gain some happiness. We are all responsible for our own condition. Repeat that until you actually get it. Because once you do you can be happy. Because real happiness comes from within, YOU create it and it doens't rely on someone. Then you'll get that you can let someone in your life because it be based upon you understanding that you chose to be in a relationshit rather than out of some warped need for connection. There, that's real advice and if you want to follow it fine, if not don't be too surprised if you simply end up stuck in your cycle. horny bicurious looking to bust some nutsclosely related that this puts an entire new on any advise I might give you. I have been a stepparent, I believe I'm a good one. I also believe that I took my stepson's welfare into account in every decision I made. Truth be told, I a very large potential here for your to suffer severe conflicts. Especially when you consider their dad a shitty father. Remember, this is NOT a previous relationship, nope, your relationship with the other parent is a current one. One that be there until the day you die to some extent. The connection is unavoidable. One of the largest hurdles for us to get over was the relationship or should I say lack there of..with my stepson's dad. I know my efforts to be a good parent to C was seen and recognized. A key in that was to make if VERY clear I was not there to be his dad. A parent yes, his father NO. The job has been taken. In clearing the hurdles of blended families you also have to show a it's ok to the other parent. You have to bury that resentment you, do NOT look to eachother in supporting it. Do not validate eachother's poor opinion of him and don't seek it. Dealing with the stress and emotions? You bet, most people can relate to the conflicts that can arise but unless there is real danger, not shit you just disagree with but real danger, your job is to also make damn sure your know you aren't going to put them in the middle of the crap between you. That means support when the wants to the father and at times, a firm discussion that they should even when they don't want to. No, no one has been in your shoes and no one would react exactly the way you did. But you are making some statements that reveal your to be a 'mother' to his and wanting someone to show your how a father should act. That's potentially a very damaging mindset. Regardless of 'when' people meet your, your goals should really be reevaluated. local singles chat
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