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I came from a very troubled childhood and put the "d" in dysfunctional when it came to relationships. I was very successful in my career by day, crying at my therapist's office on the weekends. I had a concept of what the "right" relationship was for me, the "right" person and as a result kept ending up with all sorts of people that could not have been more wrong for me. I mean, on paper it all looked great but in reality not so much. I met this guy. He was SO not my idea of the "right" guy. Not my type, similar childhood issues, same industry (which I had avoided like the plague) and just "wrong" all over the place in my silly mental reasoning. But we got each other like no one I had ever met. We dated for a bit, I could he it was getting serious FAST and I was terrified. TERRIFIED. I broke it off with him and somehow, we remained friends. But REALLY friends. I then went out with another "right" guy after which ended as surely as anyone watching would have supposed it would. I knew at that point, my "type" was all wrong for me. I knew then I was really bad at picking the one for me. The relationship with "right" guy ended SO bad that my friend, Mr. Wrong, came over with some strawberry ice cream to talk. And I realized how grateful I was for his friendship. How much we knew about each other's darkest secrets. How MYSELF I felt with him. Over the next months, we became intimate. It was hot and heavy but in my mind, we were still "just friends". Then, one day (in bed, no less) he told me he couldn't keep seeing me. He told me he had never stopped loving me and his emotions would not allow him to just be friends now that sex was also in the mix. He told me "I don't know if this work out and neither do you but I'm willing to take that and that's what I am asking from you a. Or that we end this now." I took a few minutes while my mind swirled around in panic mode and in a moment of clarity understood that I was what was standing in the way of having. I loved him, he loved me. As a friend and now as a lover, he was actually not only not "wrong" for me but maybe the only TRULY right guy I had ever dated. I gave our relationship that 18 years ago. It's been 16 years of marriage and I am grateful every day that my best friend gave ME that second. I vote give him a. xxx married in Romerenaand claearly even within the realm of limits and SSC there were a few times I wondered about the saneness and even though we both consented it all was not safe or sane. For thse reasons and others it was a heightend experience and in the end all was well, so no foul. I'd never agree to non consent play,I know I could go too far. I would resent and despise a recklss who would allow it and ask it of me. My sadistic tendancy would like the initial invitation, like a challenge, even a thougt of "he deserves it" comes to mind. I like to sleep well at night though. My experience is that there is no way to always control how things affect me and that there is a "zone of role reality" for lack of a better term. Sub space is spoken of frequently and I do not know what it feels like as I am Domme. I do know that there is a "space" I have been in as a Domme. intoxicated at my sub.'s being so convinced at my role play and tecnique, how far we had come and in an established 'soap of continuum and that is a desirable place to be, it all feels real and to an extentit is but when I am consumed and intoxicated into fantasy realm then that would be dangerous. Floging acoross the neck could be bad for you , as you know. Perhaps the diffrence in sub space and what I have experienced is that I always began knowing that I am in control and so the "have gone way past SSE BS and enjoy neve having a clue about when, where,how much etc." never copletely happened with me and I DIRECTLY attribute that to SSE BS, consent and limits. Without them I can nevr play. Disabeling a person is a fairly potent event,( as you might know) and it be that is lso oe of e thingswhch somehow reinforces the trust and const factors and in the backof my mind was always a reminder of responsibility. adult friend finders
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