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ca65 hung black guy for petite womenno, you've misunderstood or i misspoke he suggested the dinner, when the check came i said sweetly are you treating, since were celebrating my last day of class? he said: "No", melted down and dumped me as as we were no longer in public. so, it was not that i offered to pay. it was that my suggestion that HE might pay, made him feel like i was telling him he wasn't doing right by me, like i was complaining about his effort and pressuring him to do something he didn't feel like doing. so then i got the (upteenth) boot, promptly. well played re: "manly" yes, he gets brutish and goes into the cave, i couldn't have put it better myself. a full rmation of facial features and tone of voice and something like: "I'm DONE with this conversation!" which makes me feel about..2 years old. ive been only with him for almost years so its hard to remember any other kind of, i was just at dinner a large group of friends who ALL said they had seen their men cry. i was shocked. this guy has never shed a single tear in front of me. in all these years. i, on the other hand am emotional which he had said he "loves" about me. however, in the heat of the moment, i think it makes him uncomfortable. like he has to "fix it" (my tears) and he panics. last there was a moment where he lost his composure and snapped "Stop crying!" for some reason that memory ranks high on the bad ones. im making him sound like an abusive father i think another issue is, i dont open up to people much, so its not often that i get an outside perspective on things i tend to deal with privately.. i appreciate everyone who has given me feedback. its a real relief to hear some opinions and not just the same confused voices in my head. men vs women
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I run a parent support program for a very at risk population. I deal with a lot of these issues, including issues around incarceration. First, I would NOT bring him to dad in jail. A going through this much needs routine and stability more than anything. Not spanking, not lengthy extreme punishment, not leaping from sport to sport. R-O-U-T-I-N-E. He need to know what to expect, and this takes time and a heck of a lot of from you. For most, it takes at LEAST 10x of repeating a behavior until it's internalized (and if you slip up, it's like you are starting from scratch), but for a with ADHD and ODD, it's going to take more. Jumping from thing to thing only teaches him that if he causes enough grief, you'll give up that strategy, ensuring that he'll do it again. I would highly recommend the video 1-2-3 Magic. Even if you don't go with that particular strategy (though I've seen it work wonders for some tough -) it has some great parenting tips. When I extreme behavior cases, there are a few area we always look at positive reinforcement (there should be at LEAST 4 to 1 positive to negative communication), routine, diet and exercise. You wouldn't BELIEVE how much behavior issues are tied to diet and exercise. If he isn't getting at least and hour a day of sweaty, breathing hard play, while eating a good diet and cutting out sugar, it be nearly impossible to make any additional headway. But the most important factor here is you. YOU need to feel stable and calm and in control and that sounds really difficult while trying to raise a with special needs on your own. I you seek out support join a parenting support group, get a good counselor, a parenting hotline, make some time for yourself. You need to take care of yourself to best take care of him. dont want anything just respond if youre real
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