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need to be spanked by a woman I'd seen the 1st 3 paragraphs of that piece, but I'm glad the Contra Costa Times expanded on it. Here's another, less serious. Q. What does HMO stand for? A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, "HEY MOE." Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Moe of the Stooges, who discovered that a patient could be made to forget about the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough in the eyes. Q. I just joined an HMO. How difficult i be to choose the doctor I want? A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your insurer provide you with a book listing all the doctors in the plan. These doctors basiy fall into two categories those who are no longer accepting new patients, and those who you but are no longer participating in the plan. But don't worry; the remaining doctor who is still in the plan and accepting new patients has an office just a half-day's drive away, and a diploma from a Third World country. Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification? A. No. Only those you need. Q. Can I get coverage for my pre-existing conditions? A. Certainly, as as they don't require any treatment. Q. What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine? A. You'll need to find alternative forms of payment. Q. My plan only covers generic, but I need the name brand. I tried the Generic medication, but it gave me a stomach ache. What should I do? A. Poke yourself in the eye. Q. What if I'm away from home and I get sick? A. You really shouldn't do that Q. I think I need to a specialist, but my doctor insists he can handle my problem. Can a general practitioner really perform a heart transplant right in his office? A. Hard to say, but considering that all you're risking is the $20 co-payment, there's no harm in giving him a shot at it. Q. health care be different in the next century? A. No. But if you right now, you might get an appointment by then.
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