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First off, I really appreciate the responses. Up until this morning, I was really hopeful, willing to do whatever it took. Then I looked in the trashcan outside. don't ask me why, I just did (when throwing away some recyclables). There was a strange shopping bag in there, and I opened it. All of her notes mostly rantings about me were in there. I read them. I took them. Not like reading her diary they were abandoned property and quite likely she meant for me to find them. She's not the retiring sort (neither am I we have always prided ourselves on our communication), so what I read wasn't a shock. She feels controlled. She needs her alone time. She needs to be appreciated. She values spontaneity. She wants me to be more of a hands-on dad (tough when I'm busting my ass in an office M-F), but most of all, she needs alone time. Which I was (reluctantly, though I get your point, FamAtty) fine giving her. Until I came across other things. Notes to a guy. A guy she used to sleep with before we were married. Notes that clearly tell me she carried a torch for him, and he her, and they have been communicating regularly. And have possibly/likely slept together. And he has been telling her all the things she wants to hear. And that she has been lying to me. I am so fucking confused and despondent, I can't believe it. This is how she spent her "alone-time" this weekend. Am I being naive to want to hold my marriage together, even after this? Am I crazy for still loving her and wanting to work things out, both for me and our beautiful? They are so innocent and wonderful. This is me. I can't believe she is the one who has turned out to be unfaithful. I am absolutely stunned. I have not told her I know, but at some point, if I don't, and she knows I know, there are ramifications for that (every time she wants "alone time," I'll know she's doing that guy and it eat at me). Regardless, it -/should come out in therapy, if not before and then what? Oh, one of her complaints about me is that I care what other people think about me. And I have always considered divorce a failure. And I don't fail at much. Oh boy do I need therapy. And a good lawyer. who wants a missed connectionHi, I'm a guy in my mid thirties. A year ago, I ended a 10 month old dating relationship with a woman. 6 months after I ended that relationship, I learned she had started to tell her friends, our friends and my friends, the community that we belong to that I was abusive to her. I understand that part of being supportive to a victim of domestic violence is to believe her and validate her experience. I feel really sad and upset at the same time. I (in the clearest conscience) did not do any of the things she's accused me of. I am friends with a couple of my exes who are shocked at that accusation. I decided to keep quiet about the whole situation and did not go around "clearing" my name and reputation. I figured as as my closest friends and family believe me, I'll be okay. But I'm not. I find myself avoiding social situations and even professional situations where I know I meet people that she knows. I sometimes have nightmares about her accusation. two months ago, the agency where I volunteer in has requested for me to voluntarily withdraw my service. They believed in her. What should I do? WHat can I do? SHould I go around and clear my name (that's just not my style). SHould I let people make their own judgement? Should I contact the ED of that agency? Most of all, the emotions that I feel is that of shock. That she could do something like that. The relationship ended because I couldn't us having a future together. I still have my oldest friends who are very supportive of me. But, why should I be ousted of every social and professional circle because she was angry that I ended the relationship. Please, any any input would be great. If your were to come home and tell you a similar story, what would you tell me? Thank you. I would really appreciate any effort to lift the dark cloud above me. woman sex
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