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1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls. 2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10, calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's Christmas! 3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat. 4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission. 5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello? 6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in when you have nothing to do. This is the time for naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog. 7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as as you can before becoming the centre of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to them again. 8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have. When do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day? 9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards. let be friends and more
I'm going out tonight! It's Monday and some of you KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS IN CHICAGO! (sing voice, hint, hint). Haven't been over that way in like 2 months? 3? Jeez! Off to disco-nap and then off to where it's raining Holiday! married women for married men KeeneHoliday Inn We are checking into the Holiday Inn! With the average cost for a nursing home care costing $ per day, there is a better way when we get old feeble. We have already checked on reservations at the Holiday Inn. For a combined term stay discount and senior discount, it's $ per night. That leaves $ a day for: Breakfast, lunch and dinner in any restaurant we want, or room service, laundry, gratuities and special TV. Plus, they provide a swimming pool, a workout room, a lounge and washer-dryer, etc Most have free toothpaste and razors, and all have free shampoo and soap. money $5 worth of tips a day have the entire staff scrambling to help you. They treat you like a customer, not a patient. There is a city bus stop out front, and seniors ride free. The handicap bus also pick you up (if you fake a decent limp). church To meet other nice people, a church bus on Sundays. bus For a change of scenery, take the airport shuttle bus and eat at one of the nice restaurants there. While you're at the airport, fly somewhere. Otherwise, the cash keeps building up. plane It takes months to get into decent nursing homes. Holiday Inn take your reservation today. And you are not stuck in one place forever, you can move from Inn to Inn, or even from city to city. Want to seeHawaii ? They have a Holiday Inn there too. TV broken? Light bulbs need changing? Need a mattress replaced? No problem. They fix everything, and apologize for the inconvenience. ambulance The Inn has a night security person and daily room service. The maid checks to if you are ok. If not, they the undertaker or an ambulance.. If you fall and break a hip, Medicare pay for the hip, and Holiday Inn upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life. party And no worries about visits from family. They always be glad to find you, and probably check in for a few days mini-vacation. pool The grand can use the pool. What more can you ask for? totally free dating sites
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