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I am sensing that we are being used to beef up a marital disagreement, but we're only getting one side of the argument. :-) If the spouse or SO has a history of putting their family second to whatever comes along, then a gentle discussion of how you feel when you keep coming in second all the time might be in order. They probably don't even realize they are doing it. They be chroniy disorganized and not realize how their lack of attention to detail is grating on your last nerve. In these cases, it boils down to you deciding what hill you want to die on. You're not going to turn them into a little clock-watcher. Agree on those times when you are MOST annoyed that they are late or forgetful., for dinner, shopping, etc. and then learn to chill with the rest. Priorities are fluid that's why they are priorities, and not set-in-stone laws. Priorities shuffle in response to the needs of those around us. I personally would put my outside family waaaay ahead of cleaning the toilets in my house but then again, my outside family doesn't make demands on me, but when they do, I drop everything. For example, for the last 18 months, my father was in deteriorating health, and for my own peace of mind and to help my mother and brother, I was making a 1, mile round trip every month to help with his care. Things at home slipped. So what? Do you think I really gave a damn if the dog hair sat on the rug an extra week? My father was dying, and my husband sure didn't expect me to stay at home and fix his dinner when I was needed elsewhere. That's part of being part of a family and being part of a community. A good marriage/partnership lifts you up to be able to meet those needs. Another good example is that of a partner who might choose public service for a career, either as a doctor, nurse, policeman, fireman, or even as an elected official. Sometimes the job must take priority, because other people are counting on you. If your spouse was a nurse, would you expect them to walk away from an ill patient just to make sure your dinner didn't wait? online Rutland Vermont chat
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