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Since then, there’s been some family fall out. Mostly from my younger sister who DOES get along with him. But, we’ve made peace and people have mostly been very supportive. I had more than one family member tell me they couldn’t believe I hadn;t done it sooner. He’s just nastier to me, for some reason. At any rate, he is now quite ill. He has dangerously high blood pressure, type 2 diabetes, an eating disorder, a problem, no teeth (thank you meth!) and has essentially been laid off from the job he’s had for about 35 years. He is on the verge of losing his feet, owns no real property, and has no savings whatsoever. My sisters are all struggling financially, and no one is in any position to take care of him. Though I am by far the best equipped to do so, I absolutely refuse. I don’t feel guilty. I don’t feel obligated. I am a compassionate person who can and does take care of people all the time with great satisfaction. But this person spent my whole life abandoning me only to come back and me. I don’t care if he meant to, or couldn’t help it. I’m not mad and I don’t wish him ill, but I refuse to allocate any of my time, energy, or resources to a person who has never been anything but selfish and cruel to me. Though I am absolutely certain your husband and aunt mean well, you have to do what is best for you. They cannot know what you have been through with your mother; people who have parents who them cannot possibly understand what it is like to have parents who do nothing but them. They are weighing the matter on the scale of their experience which cannot account for the trauma caused you by this person; someone who in their world was a loving protector not a chaotic source of fear and pain. Ultimately, you have to decide what you can and cannot abide. You through the muck of confusion and arrive at a place where you can what you must do, but don’t let the voices of people who are simply unable to fathom what you have experienced sway you to think you don’t know what is best for you. You have my very best wishes. horny mother and quiet really is the best
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