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here's the up to the minute truth. i sent him an this afternoon (in response to his latest of flurry of wanting to rehash all of his grievances, tell me how much he loves me and hint at maybe coming back) where i basiy told him why i him and have felt confident about our, but that i was going to move on since he left me, but if he could get clear on what he wants and agree to counseling, he knew where to find me and perhaps, if i were still available and still had feelings for him blah blah blah. when i wrote the, it felt like i was being sort of vulnerable and stating my truth, but after i sent it, i felt sort of angry, and like you said that its maybe time to shut the door all the way on this no matter what. i know the part of me that's holding on is afraid he come around/change/be able to offer me all the great that i want (that he often is) and i have missed it because i shut the door. im really torn between thinking it doesn't harm me to say, you can reach out if you get your mind right, maybe ill still be here and saying done and done. which likely eventually lead to him reaching out and saying all the right things and ill have to just assume i cant trust him. he's not a sleeze or a d-bag. he knows he's conflicted and he knows he has to reconcile the part of him that wants to go and the part that wants to stay. i guess the fear is what i outlined above, that ill say no more forever and out on the of my life. its especially hard because he's so wonderful for much of the time, until he shuts down and runs away. it's just not cut and dry at least not to me. wanting my first black pussymy status because it's tiresome getting all worked up over somebody, then finding out they're neg and either I'm not interested in it or they're not. Not because I'm sone absolute authority. The bulk of HIV info I offer comes with a link to the resource as a fairness and to assure accuracy and to show I'm not speaking out of my butt. Not like some, who post that poppers prevent transmission of HIV, that they are able to legally get weed, and other such insanity, just to justify their own fears, guilts, and use. single wife seeking
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